Inuyasha: Violence! Chaos! And the Devil!
by Rose Royce
Summary: The Original Chaos is making another comeback typo free! Sesshomaru's fat, Shippo and Rin are going out, and Naraku and Kurayami just can't stay out of jail.[Discontinued]
1. A Little Suprise

**Well, well! You're favorite story, formerly called Inuyasha: Violence! Chaos! And the Devil,is back and better! I had been deleted for tweaking. Those typos were killing me! I would appreciate if you reviewed again, too!**

* * *

"MR. FUZZY! NOOOO!" little Chiyo-chan screamed. Kurayami, "Satan's daughter", was about to throw Chiyo's beloved stuffed dog/fox out of the car window. Scared that she'll never hold Mr. Fuzzy in her arms again, Chiyo grabbed Mr. Fuzzy and hugged him for dear life.

"Pathetic," Kurayami said to herself, trying to yank her arm from the clutches of a cutesy little girl who was 14-years old and in high-school. When she finally got it out she accidentally hit Maru-sha, also riding in the car, on the arm.

"OW!" Maru-sha wailed, clutching her arm. "That hurt!"

"No, it didn't, I'm sure." Kurayami said with no sympathy whatsoever. Besides, it was an ACCIDENT, right?

"I told you, I have a sensitive epidermis! So that hurt!"

"That's what you always say. But I didn't do it intentionally, for once. Chiyo-chan had my arm."

"Well, it would have never happened if Kurayami didn't try to harm poor Mr. Fuzzy! Right, Mr. Fuzzy?" Chiyo chimed in. She made Mr. Fuzzy nod his humongous head in agreement. Its times like these that Kurayami and Maru-sha would LOVE to do an anime sweat-drop.

"Anyway," Kurayami said pointing out the window. "We're here. Home sweet home." She was pointing at a peach-colored house. Her house. But what she didn't notice was that the door on the side of the house was WIDE OPEN.

(Pause story) Oh wait…I didn't properly introduce you to the main characters, did I?

The evil being who was trying to dispose a stuffed animal-thing is Kurayami. She is soon-to-kill-more-people-than-the-terrorist-attacks type of "sister" out of the three "sisters" for her evil, violent nature. She may be 14, but she's packed with rage.

Kurayami has long, brown French braids (which she will soon dye black), that almost covers her face and is chunky weight-wise. She has no emotions except anger and…well…anger.

The cutesy-poo little girl is Chiyo, the youngest "sister". Now you all see why Kurayami and Maru-sha call her Chiyo-chan. She acts just like Chiyo-chan from Azumanga Daioh, maybe worse, and 14 years old. She's dark and a bit skinny. Chiyo is short with straight hair usually down to her shoulders.

Now I'm sure you all have heard of Maru-sha. Known for her really funny fanfics about Inuyasha. "Maru-sha" is the oldest "sister" by a year. Since you guys know her, there's no need to introduce her.

(Back to story)

"Did you leave your door open?" Maru-sha asked as they stepped out of Chiyo's grandma's car. Kurayami look at the open door. She gasped and said someone must have broken into her house.

"MY PS2!" She hollered. She ran into the house and pulled out a large knife. Kurayami tip-toed through the house. Then she came at her bedroom door. The door was closed, but she heard some pretty recognizable voices.

"What is this peculiar garment?" A deep, sexy male voice asked.

"Put that down! It's a bra!" A girl said.

"What the hell is that?" An annoyed male voice asked the girl.

"It's, um, uh, well we girls wear it to, um, eh,"

"Can men wear it too?" another man asked.

"No, you lecherous monk!" A woman angrily said to the monk.

After having heard enough, Kurayami kicked open the door and stepped inside. Instead of being surprised at what she saw, she was angry. But she put the knife down and walked around the "special group" of people. Just when Kurayami was about to say something mean, Maru-sha and Chiyo-chan ran into her room, and dropped they're jaws. They couldn't believe who was standing right in front of them!

"OH MY GOD! IT'S INUYASHA!" Maru-sha screamed.

"AND KAGOME!" Chiyo-chan hollered.

"AND SHIPPO!"

"SANGO!"

"MIROKU!"

"KOGA!"

"KIRARA!"

"SESSHOMARU!"

"RIN!"

"NARAKU!"

"JAKEN…"

"STOP IT!" Kurayami screamed at them. "You're scaring the guest."

"They broke into your house, Kurayami." Maru-sha said blandly.

"Most of them don't know any better, but they still have a hell of a lot of explaining to do. But first let us introduce ourselves."


	2. How did you get in?

Okay you filthy mortals, here's part 2 of chapter 1 (confusing huh?)

Do I have to do the Disclaimer? Aww dammit! Ok...

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, but I own HELL! MUAHAHAHA!

* * *

"Ok, lemme get this straight." Inuyasha said, looking at the three. He scratched behind his doggy ears and pointed at Kurayami. They were still In Kurayami's house, and in Kurayami's dark room. 

"Kurayami," He said to her.

"No shit." Kurayami snapped.

Then he pointed at Maru-sha, "Maru-sha,"

"No autographs please." Maru-sha joked.

Then Chiyo, who was staring at him with big googly eyes. "Chiyo." In response, she simply fainted. '_He said my name!_' she thought, smiling.

"Yeah," Kurayami said emotionless. "That's Chiyo." There was a long silence. Everyone was looking at each other, a bit surprised. No one said a word, everyone just thought about each other.

'_Damn, Inuyasha is fat_.' Kurayami thought jokingly.

'_Chiyo is so dark, what is she?_' Sango wondered.

'_I hope Miroku won't lay a hand on my butt_.' Maru-sha thought nervously.

'_Kurayami is a Goth I know it!_' Kagome thought.

'_Shippo is tinier than I thought! How do they know he's there all the time?_' Chiyo-chan wondered.

'_Why am I surrounded by humans?_' Sesshomaru wondered angrily.

'_Why is my brother here?_' Inuyasha thought annoyed.

'_Thank you, Buddha!_' Miroku thought happily.

'_Rin is cute_.' Shippo thought, looking at Rin.

'_Shippo is cute_.' Rin thought, looking at Shippo.

Jaken doesn't think (at all).

'_I will make Kurayami my bride!_' Naraku thought excitedly.

'_Meow!_' Kirara meowed in her head.

Kurayami broke the silence. "What's the matter? Never seen a Black person before?" Silence. "Or maybe people that are proportionally larger that you?" She walked over to Maru-sha and rested her arm on her shoulder. Still more silence.

"Welcome to America 2006!" Chiyo-chan said randomly.

"AMERICA? It's 2006?" Inuyasha and the rest screamed. Everyone went hysterical. Kagome sat on floor and cried for her momma. Jaken rambled about nothing. Sesshomaru and Naraku asked Kurayami if she had any anti-aging cream ("Hell no!" she replied annoyed.) Everyone else just had a panic attack. Maru-sha tried to calmly quiet them down. They "hushed" them; they said "shut-up". Nothing worked, but Kurayami just let a bit of her legendary rage out.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Kurayami screamed, and everyone was silent. Trust me, when she says shut up like that, you have to shut up. "Now, I know everyone is scared, but y'all got a lot of adjusting to do. But first, I want to know how y'all got into my fucking house!"

Inuyasha's gang threw Inuyasha a he-did-it look, and Koga pointed at him. Maru-sha and Chiyo-chan looked at Inuyasha too, wanting to know if he did it. Kurayami grabbed the large knife from her dresser and stood there menacingly with it. At first Inuyasha didn't care if got stabbed. The scrawny thing won't hurt, he thought. But when he looked at her facial expression, he got scared. Really, really, REALLY scared. 'That's worse than Sesshomaru's!' He thought.

"Okay, okay, I broke into you're house." Inuyasha cried, "But it was an accident! I sensed Naraku in your house, and I thought it was a sliding door! So I…" He looked at Kurayami. "Kicked it open." Kurayami then passed the evil glare to Naraku. Naraku also got scared and looked at the floor.

"I teleported." Naraku whispered to the floor. Kurayami just nodded her head.

"Okay, I understand. But in America, only shops, libraries, and some important buildings have sliding doors." Kurayami said coldly. "But everywhere else, no. And since you're from Feudal Japan and don't know any better, I'll let you slide." Naraku and Inuyasha sighed in relief. '_But that still doesn't explain why you're here in _AMERICA.'Kurayami thought, '_But who cares.'_

"Now if you guys want, you can watch some T.V." She added. She picked up the remote from her bed and turned it on. "Press this button to change channels," She pressed the channel button and it turned to BET. "And press this button to turn the volume up." She presses the volume button to turn it up, and then down. "I'm going to go raid the fridge." Before she can even open the refrigerator, Maru-sha walked up to her with a worried face.

"I think turning to BET is a bad idea, look." She said worried. Kurayami gave her a confused face. Then she remembered something.

"OH MY GOD!" Kurayami yelled.

**

* * *

Well mortals, that's part 2! If you guys watch BET then you'll know what we're talking about. I don't care if you review, but if you do, NO FLAMES OR I'LL KILL YOU! Seriously, I'll kill you. **

**Next chapter: "Rin Learns to be Evil"**


	3. Rin Learns to be evil

Kurayami ran to the door of her room. The door was closed, but she didn't close it. 'What the hell?' she thought. But before she can open it…

SPLASH!

Water came pouring out her room! There was so much water, her house turned into an indoor swimming pool. Water was everywhere and things started to float. Luckily for her, the water went up only to her knees, because she can't swim. Ready to hurt someone, Kurayami walked through the water and into her room. But soon she realized something horrible. It wasn't water…it was DROOL! Apparently, Miroku, Inuyasha, Koga, Naraku, Jaken, Sesshomaru, and sadly, Shippo were drooling their salivary glands out. What's even worse is that they picked up some words…and actions…

"Yo, Kurayami!" Naraku called. "Come hurr and shake dat ass for me!"

"WHAT? EXCUSE ME?" Kurayami screamed at him. Kurayami looked at the T.V. screen. They were watching the "Rodeo" music video by Juvenile. '_I knew it_.' She thought.

Then she turned from the T.V. to Chiyo-chan, who was "Backing her thang up" against Inuyasha, and he's enjoying it.

"CHIYO-CHAN!" Maru-sha and Kurayami hollered at her. Chiyo stopped in surprise and pretended she was innocent. "What the hell is going on?" Kurayami asked in an angry tone. Kurayami and Maru-sha joined Sango, Kagome, and Rin on Kurayami's bed. Kurayami had to pull Chiyo away from Inuyasha and make her get on the large, black bed.

"Well, after you left," Sango told them, "this odd little picture show came on called '_Big Pimpin_'' and started showing women with such ridiculous clothes on shaking their bottoms. They must be cold, because they were nearly naked!"

"Sango and I were disgusted at how these women carry themselves here," Kagome added. "And then Miroku started to rub the T.V. screen, Koga and Inuyasha tried to jump into the screen, and poor Shippo learned words he shouldn't be learning!"

"Don't be hatin', ho!" Shippo said, clinging onto a floating black pillow for dear life.

"See? And now _this_ junk came on."

"Why didn't you change the channel?" Kurayami asked.

"They guarded the remote-thing," Sango said looking at the brainwashed boys. "With swords." Kurayami just smacked herself on her forehead with her hand.

"Well, I know this looks wrong, but this is what makes these kinds of music videos popular: Bitches. Nowadays…sex sells, and it can't be helped." Kurayami stated.

"That's why I don't watch this crap." Maru-sha said.

Rin was quiet, she was just drawing pictures of lovely little pink flowers and happy faces (UGH I can't believe I had to write that!) on Kurayami's drawing pad. Then Shippo sailed over to Rin, flashing a smile.

"Yo, yo Rin, baby!" Shippo said jumping from the wet pillow and onto the bed, sitting next to her. "Why don't you join me in the next room so we can play?"

"No," Rin spoke up, but not looking away from the drawing pad. "No thank you."

Shippo got mad. "What, bitch? I'm a man! You're supposed to do what I tell you to do, you damn slut! Now get on the pillow and let's go!"

Poor Rin just started crying, and surprisingly, Kurayami came to the rescue! "If she doesn't want to play then just leave her alone!" Kurayami scolded. "And you ain't no man, you're a BOY!" Kurayami then pushed him off the bed and into the pool of drool (yes it's still there), making a small splash. "Talking like you're Sesshomaru…I don't think so! Next time I'm going to throw you into the trash can so they can incinerate you on Thursday if you talk like that again!"

This time, Shippo was the one who cried his eyes out. He swam (can he swim? If not, he does now) away into the living room. Rin looked at Kurayami and punched her in the arm, which actually hurts. "That wasn't very nice!" Rin said.

"Look, kid," Kurayami said calmly, but with an angry tone. "Nice isn't going to get you anywhere. It's those who are mean and malevolent who get by. We use it to defend ourselves get us what we want, and being this way also helps us decide who's an enemy and who's worth talkin' to. Then she rubbed the spot on her arm that Rin had hit. "Since I see, and feel, potential in you, I'll teach you what I know about being evil. Besides, isn't there someone you want to get rid of, if you know what I mean?"

Rin thought about it. '_Jaken is always saying Rin is a pain in the butt, when he's the one who's the pain_.' Then an idea sprung. 'If _I learn to be evil, the lord will be so proud of Rin! And we'll never see Jaken again!_' "Okay!" Rin said, smiling. Kurayami was a little surprised.

"Okay, but one thing though," Kurayami said to Rin, who was hugging her. "Don't smile so much and hugging is totally wrong."

"Okay." Rin said, NOT smiling. "When do we begin?"

"Tomorrow, when it isn't so wet and we get male cooperation." Kurayami looked from her to the men, who was still in the drool and started licking the screen. Rin saw them too, but Kurayami quickly covered her eyes. "Eh, you didn't have to see that…"

(The next day)

The drool finally disappeared and the floors were sparkly clean and dry. Maru-sha and Chiyo-chan went back to their own homes. The boys finally stopped watching those horrible rap music videos for good; thanks to Kurayami's bashing therapy (Inuyasha said his bruises have bruises have bruises have bruises). Rin got up early enough to prepare herself for lessons. She ate her breakfast and waited on Kurayami, who woke up right after her.

"Ok Rin, you ready for your lessons?" Kurayami asked.

"Ready!" Rin replied. Kurayami showed Rin a list of lessons:

Cursing and Bad Names

Threatening People

Fighting

Framing People

Pretending to be Innocent

"Were going to start of easy," Kurayami said. She took a red pen and pointed to number 1 with it. "Cursing and bad names. You should take a few notes, Rin, so you'll remember these. There are seven basic curse words: damn, hell, shit, bitch, bastard, ass, and the worst one of all, fuck."

Rin just wrote them done furiously, '_Damn, hell, shit…_' she thought, trying to remember.

"There are more, but we'll start with the basics. Each one of them has a meaning of course. "Damn" is just an adjective. "Hell" just refers to where my dad, Satan lives, "Shit" can mean 'crap', 'dung,' things like that. "Bitch" is not only a girl dog, but a girl who is a pain. "Bastard" is the male version of that. Ass used to mean a donkey, but now it means 'butt'. Now "fuck" can be an adjective, noun, and a verb. It's kind of hard to put into words, but I found a little movie on the internet about it! Watch and learn."

(An hour later)

Rin was dismissed by Kurayami for the day. She remembered everything Kurayami taught her. 'I'm _hungry…Rin wants some ramen._' Rin thought, as she walked into the living room. Rin was so deep in thought that she bumped into Shippo, who was going to talk to her anyway.

"Hey!" Rin yelled at him. Shippo timidly looked at her and showed her some flowers.

"Rin I'm—" Shippo stuttered, he was then cut of by Rin's new words.

"Watch where the hell you're goin', you damn bastard!" Rin growled. She was really convincing!

"But…I'm sorry." Shippo tried to give her the flowers.

"Get lost, asshole! And you can keep the fucking flowers!" Rin hollered. Tears filled Shippo's eyes. Those words hurt him a lot. He ran of crying, dumping the flowers behind him. Kurayami was standing in the doorway, observing everything. She gave Rin a tiny smile and crossed the first lesson off the lesson list.

'_She has a lot of potential,_' Kurayami thought. '_She's a fast learner_.'

**

* * *

Aww...so sorry! But that's the end of this chapter. Go ahead and cry, I don't give a damn! MUAHAHAHAHA! But don't worry, Rin's lessons doesn't stop there! You'll have to read the next few chapters, ok? Review if you want, NO FING FLAMES! Bye!**

**Next chapter:Rin gets a Gun**


	4. Rin gets a Gun

It's Sunday. While everyone is like, "Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!" and "And God said 'Let there be light, and there was light…'" Kurayami is stuck with these poor slobs we know and love (except for Jaken of course).

"Sesshomaru!" Kurayami said in annoyance. It was time for breakfast, and ALMOST everyone was enjoying Kurayami's fruits of her struggle (not labor, struggle). She made scrambled eggs, toast, rice, and fresh guacamole (for the eggs, people). Everyone liked it, except for Sesshomaru, who says he doesn't eat human food.

"This Sesshomaru doesn't eat human food." He said coldly.

"Then what's DEMON food?" Kurayami asked. She truly wanted to know, and she looked at all the demons in the room, waiting for one of them to respond for him. She looked at Inuyasha, he looked at her with his mouth stuffed with ramen and shrugged his shoulders. Then Kurayami looked at Koga.

"I eat whatever." He said. Then she looked at Naraku.

"I don't know either, my love." Naraku said sweetly. Kurayami gave him the finger for calling her "his love". Love…bad, hate…good! That's her mentality. So then she looked at Jaken.

"I eat what the lord eats." Jaken says proudly. Kurayami just gave up and walked to the kitchen. Everyone was wondering what she was up to. They heard her open up a can, but a can of what? Then Kurayami came back into the "dining room" (the room had no tables or chairs) with a bowl of brown, lumpy mush that stinks.

"Good thing I asked my grandma if I could have some of Cinnamon's food. But I didn't want to do this," Kurayami said. She placed the bowl in front of Sesshomaru. "Dig in!"

"What the fuck is this?" He demanded, covering his nose.

"It's Pedigree! The family dog, Cinnamon, used to eat this stuff with kibbles, but now that she's dead, well, you know." Kurayami said to him. He just gave her an angry look. "Well, if you told me what demon food was, this wouldn't have happened. Now eat your dog food before it gets cold!"

(An hour later. Hey, you don't want to read about Sesshomaru eating dog food do you?)

"Okay, Rin!" Kurayami said to Rin, her lovely pupil. I'm going to give you your first weapon. Be careful with it though, I have to show you how to use it."

"Yay!" Rin squealed. Kurayami took out a dark purple box with a gold pentagram on the lid. She opened the box in front of Rin. The inside was lined with dark purple velvet and among the velvet was a gold gun, not gold-plated, actual GOLD.

"It's a gun. But not just any gun, it knows who or what you want to hit, so if you aim bad, the bullet won't miss the target. Plus it'll make the target burst into flames. It's called 'The Outsider'."

"Wow!" Rin exclaimed, she was excited but, "Rin has never seen a gun before, let alone use one."

Kurayami walked over to her full length mirror that she hardly uses to look at herself. "Don't worry I'll show you." Then, Kurayami did something amazing. With one finger, she stroked the sides of the mirror, and then a stream of black light came through where the mirror used to be. The mirror was now a portal. Rin just looked at the light with huge eyes. '_I thought this lady was human, like Rin._' She thought.

"How did you—" Rin started, but then she got cut off.

"Do THAT?" a voice finished for her. It was Inuyasha, looking at Kurayami and the portal. He switched from a surprised looked to I'm-going-to-tell-everyone-your-little-secret look. "Heh, so you're not really human, huh? Maybe you are, maybe you're a witch! I'm going to tell EVERYONE!" But he didn't. Kurayami showed him something perfect for a bribe.

"See this package of teriyaki chicken flavored ramen?" Kurayami said. Inuyasha stared at it and drooled. He sat down like at dog and tried to grab it. "You'll get this and more if you don't tell. If you don't hold you end of the deal, no ramen for you!"

"Okay, okay, I'll do anything!" He whined.

"Good hanyou." She said evilly. Kurayami persuaded Rin to get into the portal. Rin was scared, but she jumped in anyway, followed by Kurayami.

Rin woke up and realized she was on grass. She got up and looked around. This place was different. A LOT DIFFERENT. The grass felt like cotton blankets, the sky was a really pale green, it was a bit misty, and the flowers were so BIG, that about thirteen people can actually sit on it and not fall off. There were creatures roaming about, some cute and some questionable (no unicorns, though), and there were waterfalls overlapping waterfalls (isn't having an imagination wonderful?). '_This isn't America,_' Rin thought, observing her unusual surroundings. '_This isn't even JAPAN!_'

"Damn random portals, we ended up in a field." A voice said. Rin looked behind her and saw a lady with long, pale blue hair and blood red eyes. She had horns coming from the sides of her head and they curved to the front of her head instead of pointing to the sky, giant bat wings and a long thin pointy tail. The lady was very beautiful, but Rin only recognized the golden gun in her hand.

"Kurayami!" Rin shrieked. How she knew, no one knows, but Kurayami was impressed.

"Impressive. How did you know?" Kurayami asked. Rin smiled.

"Because you have the 'The Outsider', silly!" Rin said. But she was also a bit confused. "Kurayami, where are we? Are you a demon?"

"Well, we'll talk about that later, but now I have to teach you how to use this thing." Kurayami said. She walked over to Rin and showed Rin how to hold it. "You put your pointing finger on the trigger here, and you grab the handle with the rest of your hand. To fire, you pull the trigger by pressing hard on the trigger, like this." Kurayami pulled the trigger and shot what looked like a reindeer. It fell to the ground and burst into flames. "Now you try."

Rin carefully took the gun and pointed it to a large, ugly multicolored bird. '_I want to shoot that._' she thought. She focused on it and shot. The bird heard the noise and ran away, but the bullet followed it and got it in the back. The bird then dropped dead and it burst into flames.

"Good! All you have to do is focus on what you want to kill and shoot." Kurayami said clapping. "Want to try again?"

"Okay!"

(Fifteen used bullets, fifteen dead creatures, and fifteen attempts to make a good threat later)

Kurayami and Rin hopped into the portal that lead back to her house. Inuyasha was just sitting there impatiently, waiting for his ramen.

"About time," He scoffs. "I kept my end of the deal. Now where's my ramen?"

"Exercise some patience, asshole." Kurayami snapped. "I'll make it now, geez."

Kurayami and Rin left the room. Jaken went up to Rin and started babbling on and on about her leaving his sight.

"How dare you! All you do is try to do is get me in trouble! Why I should—"

"Shut up or I'll fucking blast you to seven hells!" Rin screamed.

"How dare you talk to me that wa—"

BOOM!

Everyone in the house rushed to see what happened. Rin just stood there, looking at the floor, not surprised or anything. Everyone except for her and Kurayami went into hysterics. A small bonfire was on the floor in the middle of the "dining room". Shippo got a pail of water and put it out. Once again, everyone, this time Kurayami also, gasped.

Where the fire used to be a tiny figure laid on the floor, burnt to a crisp. Everyone immediately recognized who it was. Rin spoke up to break the silence.

"Rin shot Jaken. Jaken is dead."

**

* * *

Sad ending, yes? Well, who cares Jaken's dead! Let's party (just kidding)! Well you know the drill, Review if you want. NO FLAMES! And this time, I don't want to hear ANYTHING about Kurayami being a Mary-Sue. NOTHING! Got that?**

**Next chapter: The Worst Funeral Ever**


	5. The Worst Funeral Ever

I know there are a lot of Sesshomaru fangirls out there mad at me for making him eat dog food. But I don't care…the big fruitcake…

* * *

"HOT DAMN!" Kurayami shouted. Jaken's death is truly a momentous occasion, so she called Maru-sha and Chiyo-chan and told them the glorious news!

"Hey, bitches!" She said with a ton of excitement. "Guess what?"

"You're pregnant with Naraku's baby?" Chiyo-chan asked.

"You got accepted into Heaven?" Maru-sha inquired.

"I wish, and hell no," Kurayami said, annoyed. "Jaken is dead!"

"WHAT?" They both exclaimed. "No way!"

"We're comin' over to look." Maru-sha said "I'll see you."

"Me too!" Said Chiyo-chan. Kurayami then hung up the phone and waltzed over to Rin, who was with Sesshomaru. Like always, he was emotionless. It was hard to determine whether he was mad, sad, happy, or just in La-la Land. Rin simply smiled at him and said "Aren't you proud of Rin?"

He just gave her a half-second smile, so he was happy. I think.

"I do believe, she asked you a question." Kurayami said to him. "Are you?" He just gave her an evil glare; she gave him an evil smile in response. Before he can answer, Maru-sha and Chiyo-chan burst through the door.

Hold everything, HOLD EVERYTHING!" Maru-sha hollered. She walked to the odd group of people standing around Jaken's burnt body. Chiyo-chan shrieked at his corpse, and hid behind Maru-sha. Maru-sha just knelt down beside him, feeling brave and poked his body with a stick (who knows where she got that from).

"So he is dead," Maru-sha said, but she jumped up in excitement. "LET'S PARRRRRTAYYYY!" The three "sisters" party-shouted and started doing the Can-can, while singing a mangled version of "Joy to the World" for the occasion.

"Joy to the world,

Jaken is dead,

'cause Rin just smoked his ass!

What are we gonna do with da body?

We're gonna cremate da body!

And dump his ash in da trash!

And dump his ash in da trash!

And duuummmp, and dump his ash in da trash!"

They sang and sang, and eventually everyone, except for Sesshomaru, joined in and did the Can-can, too.

"I'm actually glad that Jaken is gone. We should celebrate." Sesshomaru said, still emotionless.

"YAY!" Everyone said, happily.

He smiled a little. "But instead we must have a funeral."

"AWWWWWW!" Everyone said, upset. What's the use of throwing a funeral for someone so…BITCHY?

"Does that mean we have to wear all black?" Chiyo-chan asked.

"That's all I wear." Kurayami scoffed.

"Really?" Koga inquired. "I haven't really noticed."

"Me neither." Inuyasha said.

"GOOD!" Kurayami exclaimed happily. She likes to be overlooked. Less people to deal with, she says.

"I have!" Naraku said merrily.

"DAMN!" Kurayami said angrily.

"What? I would never look over you, my little jewel!" He said with sparkly eyes, grabbing her hands and rubbing the side of his face with them. Kurayami just grabbed him by the hair and chucked him out the room.

(30 minutes later)

Everyone walked outside and stood under Kurayami's giant avocado tree and around Jaken, who was stuffed inside a shoebox, which served as a coffin. Everyone was just in their usually outfits, except for Kurayami, who was wearing a black, long velvet dress with a hood. It wasn't a costume, really, but on Halloween she lied to everyone and said it was. Kurayami was already thought of as a VERY suspicious girl at her all-girl high-school. Kurayami was serving as a priestess (even though she's the most unholy individual among them.)

"We are FORCED to gather her today," Kurayami started, "As we are FORCED—OW!" Chiyo-chan hit her on the arm to tell her to stop. "Alright, alright. As we are about to mourn the death of Jaken, Sesshomaru's, uh, um…" she whispered to Sesshomaru. "What kind of servant is he?" He just shrugged.

"Ooookay, Sesshomaru's servant." She continued. "He was a good little toad, I think. Not only did he serve as a good servant, but also as a good volleyball."

"Football." Inuyasha chimed in,

"Basketball." Koga added,

"Baseball." Miroku said,

"Tennis ball." Kagome said,

"Birdie," Sango said,

"Regular bouncy-ball." Shippo piped up,

"Meow." Kirara purred, which probably meant, "A substitute for a ball of string."

"Wow!" Kurayami exclaimed, "He was useful after all! Well, let us pray. People, bow your heads." Everyone obeyed and bowed their heads.

Kurayami started "God, Buddha, my weak-ass father, Satan," Everyone winced as they heard her say his name. "Please, whatever poor sap Jaken happens to go to in the afterlife, bless him, and yourselves. Make sure you take good care of him, and your sanity. Amen."

"Amen." Everyone said. Kirara meowed hers.

"Ok," Inuyasha said. "It's over, so, we gonna bury the little runt?"

"Hell no," Kurayami said. "He might poison the avocados. Besides, I have no shovel."

"Then let's throw him away!" Chiyo-chan suggested.

"You don't have to tell me twice!" Kurayami said happily, ready to throw his carcass out. Then, all of a sudden, Jaken popped up from his shoebox coffin. Looking around at everyone, who was just wide-eyed in surprise. Of course, Jaken started rambling.

"What is going on? I demand to know what's going on! Milord, what's going on? Why am I in this box? Why are we under a tree? Well don't just stand there, get me out!"

Everyone was just pissed now, Rin looked at Kurayami with a questioning look. Kurayami took a hint and nodded her head in agreement. Rin took out "The Outsider", the gun Kurayami gave to her.

"Rin? Rin! Rin, you little wench! You put me in this box did you? Don't lie to me—Uh Rin? Rin, what are you doing with that? RI—"

BOOM!

Rin shot Jaken.

**

* * *

Boy, he's even worse after dying. Well he's truly dead now. So review if you want, but—hell you know what I'm going to say! Make sure you do that, you damn mortals! Sayonara!**

**Next Chapter:Shippo and Rin, sittin' in a tree...**


	6. Shippo and Rin, Sitting in a Tree

Disclaimer: I own Hell and the demons there, plus a few monsters for pets, but not Inuyasha...

* * *

"She loves me, she loves me not," Naraku was doing the plucking-off-the-petals-from- flowers-while-saying-"She loves me, she loves me not"-thinking-that-the-petals-shows- his-luck-with-the-poor-sap-of-his-dreams thing. "She loves me!" Naraku started dancing around Kurayami's avocado tree. Kurayami came outside to pick avocados for more delicious guacamole until she saw Naraku dancing like the monkey that he is. 

"What the fuck?" Kurayami said, looking at him with wide eyes. Hoping that he wouldn't talk to her, she snuck back to door, but it was too late.

"Oh, Kurayami, my deadly little flower!" Naraku said sweetly, skipping over to Kurayami, who was too stunned to walk. "Do you find me kissable today? How about a date, hm?" Naraku bent over and puckered up. Kurayami just looked at him angrily and took out her knife, and slashed him across the face! "My FACE! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!" he sobbed.

"You sound just like that over-privileged, ego-centric bishonen, Sesshomaru." Kurayami said emotionlessly. She walked away from the bastard and went under the tree branches. There, she saw Shippo and Sesshomaru doing the same thing.

"She loves me," Sesshomaru said,

"She loves me not." Shippo said.

"What the—what the hell y'all doing? Where the hell did you people get these damn flowers? I ain't got no flowers!" Kurayami said, annoyed.

"Oh! Umm, hi Kurayami!" Sesshomaru said, with guilty written all over him. "I was just, um, MUTILATING the flowers that I bought! Umm, yeah!" Kurayami just nodded her head and looked at him funny. Liar. An exposed Sesshomaru ran inside the house screaming, "YOU DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING! I REGRET NOTHING!"

"What about you, Shippo?" Kurayami asked the little kitsune, "You mutilating the flowers with him, too?"

Shippo sighed. "No, I wanted to know if I had a chance." He said, looking down at the ground. He found a tiny, unripe avocado and started to play with it.

"With who?"

"Rin."

"RIN?" Kurayami exclaimed. She imagined Rin and Shippo out on a candle-lit dinner date. "You're kidding, right, right?"

"I love her." Shippo admitted, "I wonder if she loves me?" He looked at Kurayami as if she knows the answer. Kurayami was desperate to kill Shippo for saying the "L" word. But if she did, someone will find out, and put her in jail.

"Well, how should I know?" Kurayami scoffed. "I don't know shit about love. But you seem desperate, ask Maru-sha. She has a boyfriend in New-York."

(Later)

"So you want to know how to win Rin's heart, eh?" Maru-sha said to Shippo over the phone. "Have you tried being nice to her, lately?" Shippo looked back at the time when he said those mean things to Rin while drifting in that disturbing pool of drool. The days after that, he tried, but, Rin was acting just like Kurayami, Naraku, and Sesshomaru: evil, evil, and EVIL.

"I have! But," Shippo said. Maru-sha finished for him.

"I know the rest. Don't worry I'll help you!"

"Thanks!" The little kitsune squeaked in glee.

(Much later)

Rin was all dressed in a little black gothic dress Kurayami found for her ("I can't believe I was dragged in this scheme." Kurayami muttered to herself an hour earlier.) She was sitting at a tiny table with a rose in her hand. Maru-sha, Chiyo-chan, Kurayami, and the rest of the gang arranged a little dinner date between Rin and Shippo. Shippo gave her the rose earlier that day and told her to come. Anyway, Shippo entered the room with a little tuxedo, smiling at Rin, who was frowning at him.

"I only came here for the cake you promised, you know." Rin said to him as he sat down across from her.

"You'll get your cake soon!" Shippo said nervously. Kurayami came into the room, also wearing a gothic dress and sat down on a little stool next to a scary-looking harp. With a mean expression, she started playing it. In the kitchen, Maru-sha, Chiyo-chan, and everyone else was preparing dinner.

"Come on, guys!" Maru-sha said to Sesshomaru and Inuyasha, who were SUPPOSED to chop onions, but they were trying to chop each other up (duh). "This isn't the time for that! Now chop up those onions!"

"MIROKU!" Chiyo hollered. Sango was opening the oven door. And of course, in order to do that, one must BEND OVER to open it. Miroku just so happened to take the opportunity to touch her butt as she opened the oven to check on the cake. "There's a time and a place for everything, you perv!"

Meanwhile, Rin and Shippo were just sitting at the table, silent, bored, staring at each other. Shippo tried to break the silence.

"So, I'm sorry for calling you a ho, Rin." Shippo said looking away from her. He didn't want her to see him blushing. She looked at him and smiled.

"I'm sure you are!" Rin said. Shippo gave her a shy look.

"I am! I am!" Shippo cried, flailing his arms. "Rin, I just want to say that I—"

"DINNER'S READY!" Maru-sha and Chiyo-chan announced. Kagome brought out a large plate of spaghetti and put it on the table. Inuyasha brought out a bottle of root beer and pour some into their glasses. Kurayami just sat at the harp, playing "Vermillion" by Slipknot on the harp. The young couple just stared at the ONLY plate of spaghetti. Were they expected to share this?

"You are to eat that spaghetti TOGETHER! Just like on Lady and the Tramp." Maru-sha said.

"If you don't eat it," Sango added, "You two will get no dessert!" Then they left. Shippo and Rin picked up their forks and dug in. They slurped their spaghetti forkful by forkful. Soon the spaghetti was almost gone, and they both tried to grab the rest. But, they didn't realize that one particular noodle was very long, so the both of them had an end of it. As they ate, they started to get closer and closer together. So close, the two KISSED! Kurayami stopped playing and stared at them. Seeing two little kids kissing was a real sight to see!

"TIME FOR DESSERT!" Sango and Miroku sang. They brought out a BIG vanilla cake with cherry filling, covered with icing as red as Inuyasha's kimono. Inuyasha cut the both of them a piece of cake. Shippo and Rin had gotten really tiny pieces (because he wanted the cake all to himself!) The couple looked at each other, then at Inuyasha, and they threw their pieces of cake at him!

"You little brats!" Inuyasha said angrily. He scooped up some cake and threw it at them. They ducked and it hit Kurayami. Her eyes grew blood red and she marched over to the table and threw some cake at Inuyasha. _He_ ducked and it hit Sesshomaru in the face. Kurayami, Shippo, Inuyasha and Rin laughed at him as he shrieked like a girl. Sesshomaru ran into the kitchen to wash his face.

(Minutes later)

Everyone now joined in the fight. Kagome threw cake at Sango. Sango threw cake at Maru-sha. Maru-sha threw cake at Chiyo, and so on, and so on. Hey people, it was a big-ass cake. Shippo and Rin some how snuck out and went under Kurayami's avocado tree.

"Now," Rin said to Shippo, who was blushing like mad. "What did you want to tell me?"

"Ummm…ehh…" Shippo stuttered. How can he tell her? _'How can I tell her?_' Shippo thought. '_You know what? I must grow up! I should stop acting like a little boy and start being a BIG boy! I will tell her, I WILL TELL HER!_' "RIIIIIIIIIN!"

Rin fell back, and then popped back up. "WHAT?"

"I-I LOVE YOOOOUUU!" He screamed at her. She was stunned, but she smiled and hugged him.

"I love you too, Shippo." She said softly.

"Gimme a break!" A voice said. Shippo and Rin turned around and saw Kurayami, who was hiding behind the tree. "So, this means you two are…ugh…GIRLFRIEND and BOYFRIEND?"

"Yep!" The new couple said together enthusiastically, hugging each other.

Kurayami just gave them an emotionless look. "Oookay then. But listen up. Act lovey-dovey OUTSIDE the house, not INSIDE, okay?"

"Yes ma'am!" They said in unison. They just sat there hugging each other for dear life. Kurayami had to leave before the love gets to her.

'_Love is so stupid_.' She thought.

**

* * *

Ugh...romance, why did you people convince me to write that? I will find you and kill you! Well, not right now anyway. Anyway, review if you dare, and no flames, or I'll use your hearts as firewood! Sayonara!**

**Next Chapter: A Letter from Daddy**


	7. A Letter from Daddy

Ahhh, good ol' Wednesday! It's the day that comes before the day that's before Friday. After all the homework was done, Kurayami was flat out—

"BORED!" Kurayami screeched. She lay on her bed and looked at her jet black rug. All of a sudden she felt something pinch her ass. Of all people, it…was… Naraku (you thought it was Miroku, didn't you?)!

"Kukukuku, hello beautiful!" He said, not noticing Kurayami was had gun in her hand (who knows where she got that from). "Why don't we go outside and, have a little fun?" Kurayami just shot him in the head and walked away. Naraku was left with a stupid grin on his face. "She loves me!" he said to himself.

Kurayami went to her mom's room and lain on _her _bed. She got the remote and started flipping through the channels.

"Reality, reality, reality, music videos, reality," Kurayami said while flipping through the channel. Kurayami turned off the T.V. and decided to take a nap. Just as she was about to drift off to sleep, a loud scream awakened her.

"AHHHHHHHH! OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! GET AWAY, GET AWAY!" Kagome hollered. Kagome was in the "dining room" holding a broom above her head. A bunch of chibi youkais with tiny bat wings holding pitch-forks were surrounding her. Everyone heard her scream and came into the room. At first, they thought it was just ten of the chibi youkais, but there were actually about a hundred of them! Inuyasha tried to use the Wind Scar on them, but they just took his Tetusaiga and chucked it out the living room door. Koga tried stomping on them, but one of the chibi youkais stabbed his foot with its pitch-fork. Everyone, except for Kurayami, tried to kill them.

"STOP!" Kurayami said, shooting a bullet in the air. The bullet came back down and hit Naraku on the top of his head. Surprisingly, he didn't die. "I know these little guys; they're probably looking for me." Everyone just stared at her, then at the little guys. The leader, who was the reddest one out of all of them (the rest were dark red), went up to Kurayami and bowed before her.

"Mistress Kurayami," The red chibi youkai leader said with a tremendous amount of honorable respect. "We bring tidings form the Prince of Darkness, your father, Satan. Also known as Lucifer." He gave her a blood red letter and Kurayami decided to read it out loud.

"_Dear Kurayami,_

_I wish your little friend didn't blast this fucking toad to his grave! All we hear from his is Kurayami this, and Lord Sesshomaru that…HE NEVER TAKES A DAMN BREAK! But the worse thing is, we have to take care of him! NOOOOOOOOOO! Eh, excuse your old man…_

_No one, not even God, wanted to care for his soul in the afterlife, so me, God, Buddha, and Hades had to do rock-paper-scissors to see who gets the little asshole. Sadly, I lost to God. Your old man's reputation is RUINED! I cheated, but it didn't work! So I took him home and he complained more than ever! "It's too hot! Why isn't there any water around here? Blah, blah, blah!" You have to help me, PLEASE!_

_Love, Daddy_

"Poor dad," Kurayami said, burning the letter. "I almost feel sorry for him. I'm hungry. Hey Inuyasha! Cook me some ramen, you dog!" Kurayami looked around and saw everyone huddled together in a large mass, trembling in fear and staring at her with a scared look. "Ooooookaaaaaay." She said, looking at them funny. She walked away with an evil grin on her face. _'That's right, you imbeciles,' _she thought._ 'Tremble in fear!' _

**_

* * *

_Heeeey! You read the whole thing! CONGRADULATIONS! But you probably wet your pants didn't you? Huh, huh, HUH? Well, review if you want, but no flames (and you know this!) Goodbye!**

**Next Chapter: Inuyasha & Sesshomaru: Country Bumpkins!**


	8. Inuyasha and Sesshomaru:Country Bumpkins

WARNING! What you are about to read maybe too scary for die-hard Inuyasha and Sesshomaru fangirls! If you are one, and you get mad, then it's you own damn fault...

* * *

In this chapter, we will talk about the nature of predators and prey. In the wild world of society, the predator, the _fanicus-feminine_ would chase down prey that are handsome, brave, and famous, two of them, to be exact. The _canine-hanyou _and the _canine-youkai_ Today, I will tell you a story how the two prey outsmarted the love-stricken predators. 

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THEY'RE GOING THAT WAY! FOLLOW 'EM!"

"I WANT A LOCK OF HIS GLORIOUS HAIR!"

"I WANT HIS FLUFF! IT'S SOOOO CUTE!"

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!"

"SAVE ME, SESSHOMARU! SHIELD ME WITH YOUR BIG HEAD!"

Inuyasha, Sesshomaru, and Kurayami were just walking to the bakery around the corner from her house to get some delicious baked goodies, until a crazed fangirl spotted them from a distance. All of a sudden, they were ambushed by an army of fangirls!

"What's happening? Did we step into a no-man's land? Is there a war?" Inuyasha asked, dodging kisses from numerous fangirls.

"No, you ignoramus!" Kurayami said coldly, trying to pull off a fangirl that was much bigger weight-wise off of Sesshomaru. "They're fangirls! They're after you because they love you too much and they're main goal is to get into your pants!" A red-head with blue eyes stopped trying to kiss Inuyasha and walked up to Kurayami, looked her straight in the eye and said, "Not true! Well, it's half-true. But we would like to marry them, too. Just as long as they stay, -sigh- handsome! If you know what I mean."

"'Stay handsome', huh?" Sesshomaru said, in that sexy voice of his. It was sexy enough to make every fangirl faint. Kurayami was impervious to his voice, so she just kept talking.

"You got an idea?"

"Yes," He replied. He whispered into Inuyasha's disturbingly cute doggy ear. Inuyasha listened attentively and an agreed to whatever Sesshomaru said. Kurayami just stood there, looking at them like they were plotting something suspicious. But then she noticed the fainted fangirls slowly rising up like daises.

"Uh, boys," Kurayami said to them with wide eyes.

"Yes?" They said in unison.

"Run!" The fangirls rose up and started attacking the two bishonens again. But, Kurayami and the boys ran back to the only safe place: Kurayami's house.

(The next day)

"HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!" Naraku hollered. He was overjoyed (which is strange, but he's a strange man). Hoping that today, of all days, that Kurayami will love him, and maybe get a hug, or even better a kiss! How did he know about Valentine's Day? Maru-sha told him all about it. "Kurayami," He said, bowing before her. She was just sitting down, popping bubble wrap. "I made a poem for you!"

Silence.

"Ahem," he started.

"_Roses are red, violets are blue,_

_Killing off humans, poisoning Inuyasha with my miasma, and giving birth to a demented baby boy has nothing on you!"_

Kurayami just gave him the finger and went on popping bubble wrap.

"Wait!" Naraku said. He pulled out a heart shaped box of assorted bon-bons and roses. FRESH roses. "I have flowers and candy! For my black light! My blood-covered diamond! My miasma!" Kurayami kicked the box of bon-bons out his hand and it fell onto the palm of her hand.

"Thanks." She said, popping a bon-bon into her mouth.

"Oh, Kurayami,"

"What?"

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Naraku closed his eyes and puckered up.

"You're right!" Kurayami exclaimed. She took out her gun and shot Naraku in the head.

"HOWDY KOORAYAMI!" Two southern voices said.

Kurayami looked behind and dazed Naraku, and Saw Inuyasha and Sesshomaru, looking like the dreaded _redneckus-dimwiticus_, or…COUNTRY BUMPKINS! The both of them were dressed in overalls with patches all over them. Sesshomaru wore a red shirt under his, but Inuyasha didn't wear one at all. They looked ugly and they had some serious body odor which is just scary, even for Sesshomaru. And the worst part is, their teeth…were…HIDEOUS! They were decaying buck teeth, laden with plaque and as yellow as a lemon. Looking like they were also suffering from Gingivitis. Kurayami screamed at the horrible sight and, without thinking, clung onto Naraku for dear life. Naraku cried with joy. _'Finally!" _he thought _'My dream has come true!"_

"Kurayami, it's only us!" Sesshomaru said, in a normal voice. Kurayami, still in shock, looked at them. Inuyasha and Sesshomaru pulled off their hideous teeth, revealing their beautiful pearly-whites.

"Yeah, we're just doing this to stay alive, you know." Inuyasha scoffed.

"Why didn't you say so?" Kurayami said angrily. Then she realized she was hugging Naraku, who was thinking about who knows what. She threw him out the room, along with the fresh flowers he gave her.

"Now that we know that the disguise was a success," Sesshomaru "We'll use it on the fangirls, or whatever the hell they're called. But first we need to change." Before they left the room, they heard a voice from a girl from outside.

"This is the house!" She said, "Let's get a piece of those hunks and get out!" Then they heard a loud thud coming from outside. Apparently, a team of fangirls had a battering ram and were about to knock down Kurayami's front door.

"The fangirls are here!" Kurayami shrieked. Inuyasha looked at Sesshomaru, who obviously had an idea.

"I got an idea," he said, he took Inuyasha with him to her mom's room. "Kurayami, stall 'em for a few minutes."

"Fine, but why are you so damn calm?" Kurayami asked. The fangirls knocked down the door and came pilling in.

"WHERE'S INUYASHA?"

"I WANT MY FLUFFY-SAMA!"

"WE AIN'T GOT ALL DAY!"

"YOU BETTER TELL ME WHERE THEY ARE!"

"YOU MUST BE HIDING THEM FOR US SO YOU CAN HAVE THEM ALL TO YOURSELF!"

"Calm down, girls." Sesshomaru said. He and Inuyasha stepped into the room, looking like they're normal, hot selves.

"We have a confession to make." Inuyasha said, winking a Kurayami. Kurayami immediately go the idea.

"We're not really from Japan." Sesshomaru stated.

"And we ain't bishonens either." Inuyasha added.

"We're actually," They said together, pulling off their skin and teeth. "FARMURS FRUM ALABAMY!" They revealed their "ugliness" and they're hideous festering teeth, and changed their voices to match a country person's thick accent. The fangirls were shocked at the horror of the two greatest bishonens being red-necks from Alabama! The also took off their kimonos and revealed the overalls they had on earlier.

"Hyuckhyuckhyuck, hey lil' missy!" Inuyasha said to a brunette with green eyes, "You sho is migh'y purdy! Why dontcha give ol' Inooyash-uh a big ol' wet wun?" The puckered up his lips pretending he want's a kiss. The brunette just shrieked and ran away.

"Hey Inooyash-uh?" Sesshomaru said to him. "Why dun we play a sawng fur these purdy ladies?"

"Okay, brud-dur!" Inuyasha said he licked his hand and put it on his armpit. Then hey started playing an elaborate song by making those weird wet noises with your armpit.

"No, ya dimwit!" Sesshomaru said, bonking him on the head. "Git yur whiskey bottle and play!" Sesshomaru started playing with a banjo he got from nowhere.

"Oh, okay!" Inuyasha grabbed an empty jug of whiskey and started playing a random country song. Then all of a sudden they heard someone let it loose.

"Oh my GOD! What is that awful smell?" A fangirl said covering her nose.

"Hyuckhyuck," Sesshomaru laughed, "Dat wuzz me!"

The fangirls had enough, they were totally convinced that they were just wannabes who smell bad and need a really good dentist. They all ran away screaming, and they never heard from them again.

**

* * *

First of all, I have nothing against red-necks or Alabama, just to clear that up (I'm going to be in so much trouble!) Anyway, review if you like...and please, if you have a bone to pick, keep it to yourself. Oh, and don't feel sorry for Naraku, he had it coming!**

**Next Chapter: Inutaisho's in da house!**


	9. Inutaisho in da House!

I know all you fangirls out there are mad, very mad. Because I mad your perfect little bishonens look like dumbasses. But I don't care, I thought it was funny! Anyway read at your own risk! And thank you Maru-sha for helping me with this chapter!

* * *

"Hey Maru-sha! Hey Maru-sha! Hey Maru-sha! Hey Maru-sha!" Chiyo-chan said. She certainly sounded like a broken record. "Hey Maru-sha! Hey Maru-sha," 

"What…" Maru-sha said, annoyed.

"Hey Maru-sha! Hey Maru-sha! Hey—"

Maru-sha finally cracked. "WHAT?" she demanded. They were at Kurayami's house. Maru-sha was on her computer doing…something.

"Whatcha doin'?" Chiyo-chan said in her innocent voice.

"I'm updating a story," She replied, not looking at her.

"About whhhaaaaaat?" Chiyo asked.

"I'm writing a chapter based on Inutaisho's stupidity."

"Hey! I'm not stupid!" A voice said. The two looked around and saw a big dark red wormhole that came from out of nowhere. In awe, Maru-sha and Chiyo-chan saw the one…the only… INUTAISHO (yay!)

"OH MY GOD! IT'S INUTAISHO!" The two of them screamed.

"Hello, young ladies!" Inutaisho said, stepping out of the wormhole, in all his doggy glory. He didn't look any different, except he wasn't war that big-ass armor of his. "I just came by to see my two sons! Now where are they?"

"Oh," Maru-sha said, "They'll be coming in five, four, three, two…"

"I WISH YOU WERE DEAD!"

"I WISH YOU DIDN'T ACT LIKE A GIRL! TAKE THAT MAKEUP OFF YOUR FACE!"

"One." Maru-sha said, nodding head.

Inuyasha was running around the hallway with mascara in his hand. Sesshomaru chased after his hanyou brother in rage. But as they passed by Kurayami's room, they had to take a look inside. Could it be? YES! Father was here!"

"Daddy!" Inuyasha squealed, hugging his old man.

"Father!" Sesshomaru said, also hugging him.

"It's great to see you two again!" Inutaisho said to them both.

"It's good to see two too, dad!" His two sons replied.

"AWWW!" Maru-sha and Chiyo cried, passing each other a tissue.

"As much as I LOVE to ruin happy moments, I do believe the two of you are breaking a vital rule." A familiar, yet emotionless voice said.

They all turned around to see Kurayami, leaning on the doorpost with her arms crossed.

"And that would be—?" Inuyasha asked, looking at her puzzled.

"All forms of love and compassion inside the house are prohibited." Kurayami hissed.

"Aww come now," Inutaisho said, walking up to her, "You don't mean that!" Kurayami just gave him an evil glare. Inutaisho didn't seem to be all that frightened about it. Actually, he just remembered something about her. "I know you! You're Kurayami, Satan's daughter! How are you doing?"

"How do you know, old man?" Kurayami said coldly, lifting him up off his feet by the collar. He just smiled and said,

"Your father told me all about you! He even showed me two pictures of you! One of you in this form and another of your su—" He was cut off because Kurayami covered his mouth.

"Shhh!" Kurayami whispered to him, "Don't say a word about my true form!"

"Yes ma'am!" He whispered back.

"How did you even get here? Kurayami said.

"I ripped a hole in the space/time continuum and stepped inside, thus ending up here!" Inutaisho said, as Sci-fi music played. Kurayami gave him "The Look" again.

"Okay, okay. I stepped inside a wormhole leading from Hell to your house. Can't a guy be funny?"

"You went to Hell, Dada?" Inuyasha asked, climbing onto his dad's shoulders.

"No shit, you baka," Sesshomaru said. "He's a demon! He can't get into Heaven, even if he was good."

"Sesshomaru! Watch your language!" Inutaisho said sternly.

"Yeah, Sessshomaru! Watch your language!" Inuyasha said laughing at him.

"So, are you two mates of my sons?" Inutaisho said, looking at Maru-sha and Chiyo. Chiyo-Chan blushed. She wished that she was Inuyasha's mate, but she would have to kill off Kagome first.

"No," Maru-sha said shaking her head. "I'm Koga's mate,"

"In her dreams!" Kurayami and Chiyo said in a sing-song voice.

"Shut up! We're just good friends, and guidance counselors."

"Guidance counselors?" Inutasho asked, not realizing that Inuyasha was on his shoulders, un-tying his ponytail, letting his long silver hair just flow. Kurayami walked over to Maru-sha and Chiyo. The three "sisters" stood next to each other side-by-side. Even though Kurayami was only in the middle, she was the tallest. She figured the other two didn't drink their milk like they were supposed to.

"You're sons are not the way to want them to be, sir." Maru-sha said, as if she was a professional counselor (which she isn't).

"Especially that homosexual over there," Kurayami whispered, she was talking about Sesshomaru of course. Maru-sha and Chiyo just hit her on both arms.

"Well, in that case," Inutaisho said excitedly, "I, Inutaisho, shall stay and raise my sons all over again!"

"Yay! Dada's stayin'! "Inuyasha squealed.

"That's good, I guess." Sesshomaru said.

"Did you hear that? He's staying!" Maru-sha and Chiyo said excitedly, dancing around the ORIGINAL youkai lord.

"Oh great," Kurayami said, looking at them making a fool of themselves like always, "One more mouth I have to feed." Then she smiled, thinking, _'And one more slave I can torture! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!' _

**

* * *

An Inuyasha fanfic isn't a fanfic without Inutaisho in it! Now Kurayami, Maru-sha, and Chiyo-chan have a father figure in their lttle dysfunctional family! Will he add on to the chaos? Or will he teach these young 'uns a lesson? Review if you want NO FLAMES, AND THAT MEANS YOU FORESTDEMON! Later bitches!**

**Next chapter: Goshinki: Kurayami's New Pet**


	10. Goshinki: Kurayami's New Pet

Kurayami has been out for a week. Inuyasha and the rest were really happy that she was gone for the first few hours, but after that they were upset and bored, especially Naraku.

"Dude," Inuyasha said, looking at Naraku, who was crying his eyes out. "She'll be back, calm down."

"B-but, I WANT HER NOW! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Naraku cried. Everyone just groaned and ignored him. Inutaisho was letting the girls play with his two fluffs since Sesshomaru was too stingy to let anyone play with his one.

"Where did she go anyway?" Inutaisho asked, as he watched Rin play jump-rope with one of his fluffs.

"She said she had to go back to Hell," Shippo said, as he took at bite out of some giant pocky.

"Something about Jaken was making her dad cry and flirting with her mom." Sango said. She was waxing the hiraikotsu and beating Miroku with it, since her touched her butt. Again. "She took Kirara with her, too. Then all of a sudden, the there was an earthquake. Everyone stood fast and stayed strong. Except for Rin, Shippo, and Sesshomaru, who started crying. Rin and Shippo's case was understandable, but Sesshomaru? Come on now…

As the earth shook, the floor in the room that they were all in began to split. Fire started flying out of the crack and smoke filled the room.

"What the hell?" Koga said.

"DADA!" Inuyasha wailed to his father.

"Oh my God!" Sesshomaru screeched. "My beautiful skin will be ruined!"

"Oh, shut up, Sesshomaru!" a voice said. As the smoke cleared up, everyone saw two shadows. One of a big cat, and one that look like kind of-hefty girl. It was Kirara and Kurayami.

"Kurayami!" Everyone screamed.

"My darling!" Na—well you know who…

"Hello everyone, and Naraku." Kurayami said, without any excitement whatsoever. Kirara roared her hello. She transformed back into a cute little kitty and pounced into Sango's arms.

"So what happened?" Miroku asked.

"Ehh," Kurayami said, as she looked back on the week.

(Flashback)

Satan was on the kitchen floor of his house, in a fetal position. His wife and Kurayami's REAL mom, Moon, was on the dining room table, screaming and lifting up her skirt. Or at least what little skirt she had. Jaken was trying to get on the table so he can kiss her.

"Aww come now, madam! Just one kiss!" Jaken pleaded. "I'm not warty! I may be a toad, but I'm a great kisser! Come on!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Moon said, jumping up and down on the table like one of those housewives on cartoons. "Get away, you nasty toad! EEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Sweetheart, do something!"

"Evil thoughts…evil thoughts…" Satan said quietly, rocking back and forth.

Kurayami burst through the double-doors of the dining room.

"Kurayami? Is that you? How dare you provoke Rin to use a gun! Why if your father didn't confiscate the Staff of Two Heads...I'll, I'll—Hey! Uh, what are you doing? Don't come any closer! AHHHHHHHHH!" She grabbed Jaken by the neck (wait, does he have a neck?) and threw him across the room. Moon just screamed and screamed.

"Shut up, mother!" Kurayami said. Her mother silenced herself. Jaken was out cold for the whole week, and she was forced to get her dad back to his "normal" self again during that time, which was very, very, VERY hard.

(End flashback)

"You don't want to know." Kurayami said. "But anyway, I want you guys to meet my new pet! Oh Goshinki!

Once again, the earth shook, and the crack in the floor grew wider. Then out came the great mind-reading monster, Goshinki. Goshinki tried to stand-up, but he bumped his head on the chandelier. His large horns put holes into the ceiling.

He rubbed his head and decided to lie on the floor. He almost took up the whole room.

"Not much room in here, is there?" Goshinki said.

"Maybe you should lose some weight," Inuyasha joked. "Maybe then you'll fit."

"Shut your mouth, Inuyasha!" Goshinki growled. "I've dealt with you already! If I need to lose weight, then you need to stop reading dirty magazines with that monk over there!"

Inuyasha just blushed while all the girls in the room glared at him and Miroku.

Sesshomaru laughed at them. Goshinki turned his head towards him.

"And you! What they did was normal compared to you!" Goshinki snarled at him. "You dress up as a girl and go out every night trying to hook up with a man!"

"That's not true!" Sesshomaru cried.

"Oh no?" Then why do you keep women's clothes stashed away under the couch in the living room? Lingerie and all?"

Sesshomaru was speechless, but it was best that he didn't say word, since Inutaisho was giving him an evil look.

"Isn't he just a darling?" Kurayami said, hugging him.

"Yeah," Inuyasha yelled in-between bonks on the head by Kagome and Sango. "He's—OW!—real—OW!—CUTE! GODDAMIT!"

"Good! Now if anyone messes with Goshinki, I will cut you up and gut you like a fish! Got it?" Kurayami said coldly.

Silence.

"Good! C'mon dear Goshinki, you'll have to sleep outside, I don't want you to bump your head."

A half-dead Miroku frantically rubbed the bumps on his head. "Why can't she have a normal pet, like a rabbit or a fish, like normal girls?"

Everyone stared at him. It was so obvious! They all just hollered, "BECAUSE SHE'S NOT NORMAL!"

**

* * *

In case you were wondering why Kurayami took Kirara with her to Hell, she only took her to scare her father back to "normal", which almost worked. So...review if you want, but no junk...please...**

**Next Chapter: Inner Angels**


	11. Inner Angels Part 1

Listen up, mortals! I demand fan art! Maru-sha gets fan art, why can't I? Okay, okay, I'll ask nicely...oh dark lord help me...

(Five hours later)

Okay. Can you people PLEASE make fan art for me? Original character features are on my Bio. But I'm looking for a good picture of Inuyasha and Sesshomaru as ugly country bumpkins so I can scare my friends!

* * *

Sesshy WAS undoubtedly gay. Luckily, Inutaisho and Inuyasha were there to straighten him out! It took Sesshomaru almost a month to become a straight as a ruler. But, his lessons didn't end there, for Maru-sha and Chiyo-chan had an idea! 

"What are you two up to?" Kurayami asked them one day. The two were setting up a mini-classroom in the "dining room" with a chalkboard and a kindergarten –sized chair.

"We're," Maru-sha said as she put a pencil in her hair, "as in me and Chiyo are going to teach Sesshomaru to be nice!"

"We're going to help him unleash his 'Inner Angels'!" Chiyo-chan said, waving her hands in the air as if she was summoning spirits.

Kurayami looked at them emotionlessly. "Pointless." She simply said.

"What do you mean, pointless?" Maru-sha asked.

"Dude, the guy just learned to be straight,"

"So?"

"WHICH, might I add, involved reading every dirty magazine known to mankind. REMEMBER?"

Maru-sha and Chiyo thought about it for a moment, entering the wild world of the flashback world.

(Flashback)(Yay!)

Kurayami, Maru-sha, and Chiyo-chan were passing by Kurayami's mom's room, when they heard a "EWWwwwww!" come from the room. Out of curiosity, the three looked trough the crack in the door, which was ajar. In the room, Sesshy was strapped to a chair. Inuyasha was taping his eyelids up so he can look at the magazines Inutaisho was holding up into his face.

"That's just nasty!" Sesshomaru cried, trying to turn his head. But Inuyasha kept turning his head back to the magazine. "I don't want to look at those whores, father!"

"Be a man!" Inutaisho roared. "The more you struggle, the longer this will take! Now, look at the bunny!"

"That's just nasty." Kurayami whispered to Maru-sha.

"Well, if that's what it takes to make him straight," Chiyo replied. And then they left.

(End Flashback)

"Oh yeah, I remember." Chiyo-chan said, trying to get the image out of her head.

"But, we're still going for it!" Maru-sha said excitedly, holding up a cheerleading fan in the air. "Right, Chiyo?"

Chiyo also held up a cheerleading fan. "Right! Sesshomaru! Get ready to unleash your 'Inner Angels!'"

(An hour later)

Sesshy was sitting in a kindergarten-sized chair, which is VERY low, looking up at the "teachers with innocent(?) eyes. Maru-sha was writing something on the board with her awful handwriting. Chiyo-chan was just waiting on Maru-sha and was holding a ruler in her hand.

"OKAY!" Maru-sha yelled to her class of one student. "Sesshomaru, we are going to teach you to be nice, generous, friendly, and loving by helping you unleash your 'Inner Angels'!" Sesshomaru's eyes just twitched. _'Inner Angel? What the hell?' He thought._

"The first thing we do is putting you in your happy place!" Chiyo said, sitting down on the floor. "In order to find your happy place, you must take a deep breath and relax." Sesshomaru took a deep breath, but didn't relax.

"I usually relax by kicking Jaken's ass, but Rin killed him so I can't relax." He said.

"Well," Maru-sha said, "do what we do. Do not tense up, and close your eyes. Think about something relaxing."

"Like kicking Jaken's butt!" Chiyo-chan added. Sesshy did as they were told, and felt quite relaxed. Then, all of a sudden, there was a weird white glow about him. Maru-sha and Chiyo exchanged nervous looks. Sesshomaru opened his eyes and gave them a SMILE! The two teachers just backed away, holding each other for dear life.

"I feel wonderful! Thank you, Maru-sha-sensei. Thank you Chiyo-sensei. Now I must be going, I need to buy fresh flowers for my greatest love. Sweet, little Rin!" Sesshomaru said sweetly. He bowed before the frightened teachers and walked off. Maru-sha and Chiyo looked at each other, still in shock.

"Chiyo-chan?" Maru-sha said nervously.

"Yes, Maru-sha?" Chiyo responded.

"Do you think we just messed with the Natural Order?"

"What do you think?"

And so the peril begins…

* * *

HAHAHAHAHA! BEHOLD! THE MIGHTY POWER OF THE CLIFFHANGER! If you're feeling brave, stay tuned to the next part. It involves exorcism and Kurayami finally spills out her feelings! 

Inu gang: (Gasps!)

I know! Review please! NO FLAMES!


	12. Inner Angels Part 2

Yo! Here's part 2 of "Inner Angels"! (Sci-Fi music plays in the background)

* * *

Have you ever felt like life is giving you a good kick in the ass? And all of a sudden your sister is dangling you and your baby sis over a crack in the ground with wild Cerberuses…oh…sorry…I was getting ahead of myself… 

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO?" Kurayami screamed. Maru-sha and Chiyo were dangling from the ceiling over a crack with wild Cerberuses jumping in and out, trying to eat them. "DO YOU KNOW YOU MESSED WITH THE NATURAL ORDER?"

"Yeah, but, we were only trying to help him!" Chiyo-Chan whined, trying to swing away from the Cerberuses.

"Listen; there are some bad things in life that should be left alone. If you fix them, they'll just become worse."

"Never thought of it that way. Now can you get us down?" Maru-sha asked, also swinging away from the Cerberuses.

"NO! YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE SESSHOMARU GAVE ME FRESH FLOWERS, AND MADE ME CONFESS MY TRUE FEELINGS!" Kurayami screamed, lowering them and giving the Cerberuses a better chance at eating them.

"OOOOkkkkay," Maru-sha said to Chiyo, giving her a she-is-crazy look. "I guess that's bad, for her."

"It is!" Kurayami sobbed, going into a flashback world.

(Aren't flashbacks cool?)

Kurayami was making a voodoo doll of Koga in her room until Sesshomaru came in, holding flowers behind his back. He had this eerie, white glow about him, and he was smiling! Kurayami tried hiding under her bed sheets, frightened at the sight of this, this, WIERDO.

"Dear Kurayami," He said, smiling and pulling up her bed sheets. "I have flowers for you!" He gave her a bouquet of FRESH flowers. Kurayami smacked them out of his hand. Normally, Sesshy would get mad at her and try to chop her up, but he wasn't normal, so he just tried to hug her. "Now, now. That wasn't very nice, Kurayami dear."

"I don't care, and will you stop calling me dear?" Kurayami said, pushing him away out of rage.

"Something must be bothering you, maybe I can help." He suggested.

"You can't help." She said, looking away.

"Look at me, Kurayami. I have a feeling you don't feel loved. Why don't we talk?"

Sesshy's voice didn't have any effect on Kurayami, but his eyes did. They were quiet sexy, and sexy eyes happened to be her weakness. Hours of pep talk and tons of tissues later, Kurayami poured out all her hidden feeling to that weirdo.

"I love Naraku," Kurayami sobbed, using her fiftieth piece of tissue. "But I don't know what to say to him."

"NOTHING!" Naraku said, coming from nowhere. "I heard EVERYTHING you said! I AM THE LUCKIEST MAN ON EARTH!"

(End flashback)

"You had to give in, huh?" Maru-sha said to Kurayami, sitting next to her.

"I could help it! He had such sexy eyes!" Kurayami sobbed. Then she stopped crying at an instant. "HEY! How did you two get down?" Maru-sha and Chiyo looked each other.

"We don't know…" They said together.

"Well, we can't just sit here!" Chiyo-chan said, "We have to get him back to his normal self!" So the three "sisters" looked for Sesshomaru, asking everyone in the house. Or tried to anyway, because the some of them were in a fetal position. Finally, they found Miroku and Inuyasha trying to snap Sesshy back to his senses. Miroku tried to amulets on him, but they didn't work because he put "odd white sticky goo" (glue) on it. Inuyasha tried trash-talking, but Sesshomaru only lectured him about his potty-mouth.

"There he his!" Kurayami hollered, pointing at Sesshomaru, "GET HIM!" Maru-sha and Chiyo-chan tackled him to the ground and dragged him to Kurayami's room, while he was knocked-out.

Sesshy woke up to see everyone upside-down and Goshinki mouth wide open.

"What is going on? Why is everyone upside-down?" he asked, looking at Goshinki.

"We're not upside-down," Kurayami said. "You are. You are hanging from the ceiling. Soon you will be given to Goshinki, as his MEAL! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Umm, are you really going to feed him to Goshinki?" Kagome asked, looking worried.

"I'd loved to, but I'm not going to." Kurayami replied, wearing an evil smirk on her face, "See, this is an ancient ritual used when a demon has been controlled by the dreaded Inner Angels. Inner Angels are terrified of large monsters and giant demons, so if you dangle the victim over a monster like Goshinki here, they'll get so scared they'll have to leave. It's GENIUS!" The smart people, Sango, Maru-sha, Inutaisho, Naraku, and Miroku, understood it perfectly. Chiyo kind of understood, and everyone else was simply lost. Steadily, Kurayami lowered Sesshomaru into Goshinki's mouth. Goshinki, who was mad at Sesshy for taking his baby teeth to make Tokijin, couldn't wait to gobble him up. Then all of a sudden, Sesshomaru started shaking as if he was having a seizure, the white glow faded away, and three tiny angels came out.

"Look!" Koga said. "It's his Inner Angels!"

"Kurayami! Why can't you leave us alone?" One angel asked.

"We were only trying to help him out, but you want to try and kill us!" Said another.

"We're telling God!" The third chimed in, and the all flew up back to Heaven.

"Glad that's over." Maru-sha said, relieved.

"SOMEONE GET ME DOWN!" Sesshomaru screamed at the top of his lungs. He was still hanging from the ceiling. He was obviously back to his old bastard self again. "I COMMAND YOU ALL TO GET ME DOWN!" At that time, everyone left as if they didn't hear him, so they all left him, hanging.

**

* * *

I'm not sure if this one is funny, but if it was, let me know! Anyway, review at your on risk!**

**God: "We need to talk!"**

**I don't think so, You'll never take me alive!**

**Next chapter: Jaguar Demons from New York**


	13. Jaguar Demons from New York

This chapter is based off of the long-distance relationship between Maru-sha and Randall Flagg2000 (EXPOSED!) If your pen name is Kougaismyhomeboy, then you'll be glad to read a certain part of this story!

(WARNING!THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SPANISH WORDS!)

* * *

It was a pretty "normal" day at Kurayami's house. Kurayami finally stopped playing "Crush the crush" and started going out with Naraku, Shippo and Rin were playing "house" with Kagome and Inuyasha watching them. Koga moved in with a girl with the initials KIMH after being auctioned off to her one day as punishment for not pulling his weight around the house, Inutaisho was just hanging around, Sesshomaru was still hanging from the ceiling, and Sango kept beating Miroku for being himself. Around 12 o' clock that day, Maru-sha and Chiyo came to her house, more excited than usual.

"Oh my God!" Maru-sha said, waving a piece of paper. "He's coming, he's coming!"

"Kurayami looked annoyed, "Whose coming?" She asked.

"My pen-pal! He's a jaguar demon from New York, and he's coming to this house TODAY!" Maru-sha replied, dancing around.

"Jaguar demon? In New York? I thought that they were from South America." Kurayami said, holding up a picture of her standing next to a guy with jaguar spots on his arms and legs holing a spear. He had tribal makeup all over him and wore a long black and yellow loincloth. He was a pretty hot guy, even though Kurayami hated men in loincloth.

"He moved from Rio de Janeiro to New York. Wait, when did you go to South America?"

"I had to attend the DDAA conference held over there that year. In case you're wondering, DDAA stands for Death Dealers Assassination Association. Even the Killer Kake Company went. That's where I got Sesshomaru's birthday cake from." She now held up a brochure with a picture of a monster popping out of a cake and attacking a man in a party hat.

**Killer Kake Co.**

_Literally killing your enemies with kindness _

_Since the Black Plague._

"Now I have a question for you," Kurayami added, putting the brochure away. "What's his name and WHY IS HE COMING OVER TO MY HOUSE?"

"Calm down," Maru-sha said, trying to get Sesshomaru down. "I told him to come over your house because I want him to meet everyone. His name is Alejandro José Luis Carlos Juan Gomez Gonzales Rodriguez!" Everyone just fell back.

"Does he have a nickname?" Chiyo finally chimed in.

"Yes, he prefers Alex." Maru-sha said, happily. Kurayami still didn't like the fact a Jaguar demon was coming over to her house. That meant she had to cook, straighten up, and crap like that. Besides, there was something about South American demons that might cause some controversy…

An hour later, Maru-sha, Chiyo-Chan, and Kurayami were talking about Alex, until the three dog demons bursts throw the door sniffing the air and the ground. It was a weird sight, indeed.

"What the HELL are you two doing?" Maru-sha snapped, and then realized she used profanity. "Oh no! I said a bad word! Now I'll have to wash my mouth out with soap!" And she ran to the bathroom in shame.

"What ARE you two doing?" Kurayami asked, looking at Sesshy, who was sniffing the ground.

"We caught a whiff of something." Inutaisho replied, smelling the air. "It's a certain smell. A certain smelly smell that smells…smelly." Then the three sniffing the air.

"I…" Inuyasha said, quietly.

"…Smell…" Sesshy added.

"CAT!" Inutaisho roared, finishing the sentence. Then all of a sudden, a jaguar demon dropped through the ceiling, putting a large hole in it, and landed on his feet. He had spots all over his body and had a nice smile. Luckily, he didn't wear a loincloth, but he did wear a pair of baggy black jeans and a white t-shirt. Kagome, Sango, Rin, Shippo, Naraku, Miroku, and Kirara came into the room to see what was going on.

'_Pretty boy,' _Kurayami thought.

"¡Hola, everyone!" He said, he had a sexy voice, but it wasn't as sexy as Sesshomaru's. "I'm Alejandro José Luis Carlos Juan Gomez Gonzales Rodriguez, but you can call me Alex!" Maru-sha's head popped out of the bathroom. She saw him and frantically rinsed the soap out of her mouth. The men, Shippo (because he was a boy) and Kurayami hated him already, but the girls, even Kirara, fell in love with him. "Which one of you muchahas is Maru-sha?"

He seemed so flirtatious, he put Miroku to shame. He went around the room asking every girl if she was Maru-sha.

"Are you Maru-sha?" He asked Kagome, who just blushed.

"I wish," She giggled. Inuyasha looked at him with fire and hate in his eyes.

"Are _you _Maru-sha?" Alex asked Sango next.

"No, but I would be for you." She said, blushing madly. Miroku was ready to hit Alex upside the head with his staff.

Alex went up to Chiyo-Chan. "Maru-sha?"

"Nope." She said, looking down. He went up to Rin, but she, too, said no. Then out of stupidity, he went up to Kirara and asked her.

"Mew," Kirara meowed, which probably meant "Yes, if you pretend". Kurayami looked at him angrily.

"Are you stupid, or are you stupid?" Kurayami snapped at the pretty boy. "That's a cat!"

"Ah! Then you must be Maru-sha! I imagined her to be spunky!" He said, grabbing her hands.

Kurayami and Naraku looked angry. "Are you TOUCHING ME?" Kurayami asked angrily. Naraku came up and split them apart.

"Hands off!" Naraku said to Alex, protecting Kurayami. Maru-sha ran into the room and went up to Alex, almost tripping in the process.

"Alejandro José Luis Carlos Juan Gomez Gonzales Rodriguez?" Maru-sha asked, all out of breath. Alex nodded. "I'm Maru-sha! That evil, demented child over there is Kurayami,"

"Stay away from me!" Kurayami said, hugging Naraku.

"And that little girl over there is Chiyo-Chan,"

"Hi!" Chiyo said, waving frantically.

"And I'm sure everyone else looks…familiar, right?" Alex thought about it for a moment, and then he saw Inuyasha's ears and suddenly remembered something.

"¡Ah, sí,sí ahora que veo! I thought they looked familiar! It's Inuyasha, Kagome Shippo, Sango, Miroku,"

"Not this again." Miroku sighed. "Ok! So you know who we are!"

"But we're on to you, cat-boy!" Inuyasha hissed, pointing at Alex.

Like the boys, Kurayami had a feeling this guy was pretty fishy…

**

* * *

hola: hi**

**muchachas: girls**

**sí: yes**

**Ahora que veo: Now I see**

**Maru-sha said that he wasn't her boyfriend, but I don't believe her. But I do believe he's kind of...suspicious... (shifty-eyes) And NO! I'M NOT JEALOUS! Just lonely TT...Review if you dare!**

**Next chapter: Moon and Aunt Sun**


	14. Chappie Finale: Die, Alex!

Alex was the new conversation topic among them. The girls would talk about how hot he is with his nice hair and how his spots make him look sexy. The boys and Kurayami would talk about how he thinks he's so sexy with his mega long name and how his spots look like he has some kind of exotic STD. Alex would usually come over Kurayami's house with Maru-sha, flirting like a mad-man. But one day, he made a request that just blew everyone's mind.

"I would like to stay over your house, Kurayami." Alex said to her. Her along with the boys gave him an evil glare, while everyone one else had hearts in her eyes.

"What's wrong with Maru-sha's?" Kurayami asked angrily, cracking her knuckles.

"It is muy pequeño, and I need space."

"You NEED to go back to New York, cat-boy!" Inuyasha snarled at him.

"Inuyasha, SIT!" Kagome hollered. Inuyasha dropped to the floor head first. Then she turned to Alex and bowed before him. "I'm so sorry! You must forgive him! Inuyasha, say sorry!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"YES!

"NO-wait! ARRRGH!" Inuyasha growled in defeat. "Ok! I'm sorry! But I don't mean it."

"B-but, don't you want to live with me?" Maru-sha sobbed, dropping to the floor dramatically with Shippo playing a sad song on the violin. "D-d-don't you like me?"

Alex smiled at her. "Of course I do! I love all my amigos!" He said, taking her hand and giving her a hug. Sango, Kagome, and Rin went up to him and gave him a hug, with Kirara nuzzling his leg. "Come one my friends," Alex called out to the rest. "Join us in our 'Group Hug of Friendship'!"

It doesn't take long for Kurayami to retaliate. "Come on boys," She said, pounding her fist on the palm of her hand, "Join _me _in my 'Group Mug of Hatred for Flirtatious Jaguar Demons'!" The boys, even Inutaisho, pulled of Kirara and the girls away and grabbed Alex. They got some rope and tied him up and took him outside.

Outside, they put him on a large wooden stake. The girls, crying their eyes out for Alex, tried to stop them before they did something really harmful.

"Miroku! Don't hurt him! I LOVE HIM!" Sango pleaded.

"If you hurt him, I shoot you!" Rin yelled at Shippo.

"Kurayami! Why can't you be happy for me?" Maru-sha cried.

"He over-stayed his welcome!" Kurayami screamed in anger, taking out a box of matches. "Say bye-bye, Alejandro José Luis Carlos Juan Gomez Gonzales Rodriguez!"

The boys gathered around him and started chanting. "Burn him! Burn him! Burn him! Burn him!"

"NO WAIT!" Kagome hollered. Kurayami opened the box of matches.

"Burn him! Burn him! Burn him! Burn him!"

"Don't burn him!" Sango pleaded. She took out a match and closed the box.

"Burn him! Burn him! Burn him! Burn him!"

"Stop it, Kurayami!" Rin cried. Kurayami lit the match with a lighter.

"Burn him! Burn him! Burn him! Burn him!"

NOOOOOOOOO!" Maru-sha wailed. Kurayami threw the lit match at Alex and he burst into flames. That was the end of Alejandro José Luis Carlos Juan Gomez Gonzales Rodriguez.

While the boys rejoiced and lifted Kurayami up into the air like some kind of hero, the girls began to have a confused look in the eyes.

"W-wha?" Kagome said, dazed. "What happened?"

"My head's all fuzzy!" Rin said, holding her head.

"You too?" Sango asked her. Maru-sha looked at the ashes on the lawn.

"What's going on, Kurayami?" She said. "I remember Alex coming over to your house and everything else was a blur."

"You don't remember?" Inuyasha said, looking at them confused. "You guys were all over him!"

"They were brainwashed," Inutaisho said to his youngest son. "Jaguar demons are one of those demons that give out these weird charm waves when they speak. Like you're brother, Sesshomaru."

"Exactly! And in order to take the victims out of their charm is to kill the charmer." Kurayami chimed in. Maru-sha started to cry. "Sorry, Maru-sha, but I guarantee you there will be someone out there for you. I don't know where you would find that person but I know they're out there." Kurayami said, pointing to the sky.

(The next day)

"OH MY GOD!" Maru-sha said to Kurayami, waving another letter. "My pen-pal Tristan Jacques Pierre Jean François Nicolas Leon is coming from Paris to meet everyone and he's a gargoyle!"

Everyone shared the same thought about this: '_Not another one…' _

**

* * *

muy pequeño: very small**

**Such a hopeless romantic. That's the end of Alex, people, I'm not doing one of Tristan Jacques etcetera! Those pretty-boys creep me out! Review please...or Die!**


	15. Moon and Aunt Sun

Today is Parents' Day, a day where you are forced to appreciate your parents, whether you like it or not.

"HAPPY PARENTS' DAY!" Inuyasha and Sesshomaru screamed at their father, Inutaisho. The presented him with a big cake and a sea of presents. Inutaisho just jumped in the sea of presents and started swimming. Inuyasha and Sesshomaru dived in after him. And the three shared a big laugh and hugged each other lovingly. It was the best Parents' Day Inutaisho had ever had…A THOUSAND YEARS AGO.

"Yes that was the best Parents' Day ever," Inutaisho said, looking at the old pictures. "It was the only time you boys actually stopped being mean to each other. Makes me wish that this day doesn't come only once a year." Inuyasha and Sesshomaru just stared at each other menacingly with sparks shooting out from their eyes. Inutaisho just looked at his sons in shame. "What am I going to do with you boys?" He sighed.

Kurayami happened to be with them at the time, they were at a nice little hotel with a nice little pond filled with nice little koi in a nice little place in Japan.

Yes, Japan. They all decided to go live in Japan because America was just too weird, too foreign, and too boring. How did they get there? That's another story…

"Don't worry about that. They just don't want to ruin Parents' Day for you with their constant bad vibes. You deserve it." Kurayami said, looking at the koi.

Inutaisho looked at her, a bit confused. "Aren't you going to celebrate Parent's Day with your family?" Kurayami took a bottle of rat poisoning and poured it into the lake. The koi died one by one.

"I will, but not with my parents."

"What does that mean?"

"Meh…don't worry about it." She scoffed, looking at the fish she killed.

The four went back inside the hotel at saw the rest of the men gazing and drooling at something. Sango, Kagome, Rin, Maru-sha and Chiyo looked at them annoyed. Kurayami was afraid that they might start drooling a pool of drool again.

"What's going on?" Inuyasha asked. The men pointed to a woman that was sitting on a cushion on the floor.

"Pretty lady," Miroku sighed, still staring at her.

"So HOT!" Shippo said, also staring hard.

"Too old for you…" Rin said, smacking Shippo upside the head.

The lady had fire red hair that was up in a high ponytail and violet-red eyes. She wore a pure white lab-coat and high heels. She looked like a nice lady…but that's not what the men saw her as…

The mysterious lady got up and introduced herself. "Sorry for not introducing myself earlier. I'm Professor Sun. Sun's my first name. I'm looking for someone." The men crowded around her.

"I hope you're looking for me!" Sesshomaru sighed, with hearts in his eyes.

"She doesn't want a weirdo like you!" Inuyasha growled, pushing him away. "She obviously wants _me_! No one can resist these ears!" Inuyasha pointed at his doggy-ears.

Kagome looked pissed. "SIT BOY!" She hollered. Inuyasha slammed into the ground.

"Control your hormones, you insignificant peons!" Kurayami scolded the boys, who just whimpered and walked away. Kurayami quickly changed from her I-am-going-to-kill-you-all mood to a more pleasant mood. "Hello Aunt Sun." she greeted the lady.

"AUNT SUN?" Everyone said, surprised.

"Yes," Sun said. "I'm her aunt, but I'm here to—"

"WATCH ME CELEBRATE PARENTS' DAY!" A woman's voice said. Everyone turned from the pretty red-head to a prettier blue-haired lady. Unlike Sun, she hardly wore any clothes at all.

"Oh great, it's you, ma." Kurayami said, angrily. The blue-haired lady smiled at her.

"MOM?" Everyone gasped.

"That's it!" Maru-sha hollered in annoyance. "Kurayami, what is going on here?"

Kurayami sighed and took a deep breath. Calmly, she tried to explain everything. "Okay," She sighed. "I was going to throw a Parents' Day celebration for my aunt because I hate my mom's guts. But seeing that my mom found out that I wasn't going to do shit for her…"

"You make my cry!" Moon said, tearing up. "Why do you prefer your auntie over me?"

"Because, Aunt Sun has self-control, caring, doesn't bounce from guy to guy, she knows how to fight, she's not a damn crybaby, and she's a wiz at calculus."

"B-b-but…WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Moon cried her eyes out. "MY BABY DOESN'T LOVE ME! I'M SO MISERABLE!" Then Moon laid her golden eyes on Inutaisho, and quickly fell in love.

"Oooooo! Hellooooo, GORGEOUS!" She said, getting closer to him and flirting away. "I remember you! I always had a thing for lords!" Kurayami stepped in and pulled her flirtatious mother away.

"Ma! Back away from the really cool father figure! He doesn't want you!" Kurayami snapped, trying to pull her slut mother away. But her mother wouldn't budge.

"Oh, hush child!" Her mother said, rubbing herself against Inutaisho, who was undoubtedly freaked out. "He knows he can't resist me for long! I know I can't resist him!"

Aunt Sun chimed in after being silent for a few minutes. "But you've been with over 2,000,000,000 men in a two-year period! You're still not satisfied?"

"Of course not! Have you forgotten who we are? We're succubae! It's in our blood!"

"Well, it's not in mine."

"Nor mine." Kurayami said, finally pulling her mother away successfully. "Now you know why I don't like you! You're a crybaby and a whore. And the horrible thing is you tried to make me and my billions of sisters be just like you. That's why I ran away from you to live with Aunt Sun."

Moon started to tear up again. "I guess that means I should go home now. No Parents' Day party for me." In shame, she walked away with her head down. Crying. Kurayami and Aunt Sun started to feel sorry for her.

"But I guess we can still celebrate Parent's Da—"

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Moon cried, jumping her daughter and hugging her tightly.

(An hour later)

"HAPPY PARENTS' DAY!" Everyone cheered. Inutaisho, Moon, and Aunt Sun were sitting together, eating cake and opening presents. Moon was still trying to flirt with Inutaisho, but Inutaisho was too busy enjoying his huge slice of cake and looking at Aunt Sun. Aunt Sun watched Kurayami beat up Sesshomaru with a baguette and laughed. She promised Kurayami that she'll visit very often, which was okay by her.

"You can come anytime you want!" Kurayami said, smashing some cake into Naraku's face. "Just don't bring her next time!" She pointed to her mom, who was now opening her presents like an excited four year-old.

And that concludes this chapter. What's the moral? There is no moral, stupid! HAPPY PARENTS' DAY!

**

* * *

Okay, Parents' day does not exist, unless you want it to be...**

**Next Chapter: We're moving to Japan! (One big Flashback!)**


	16. Home Sweet Home, and Cinnamon!

"So, how do you like our new house?" Kurayami asked, standing in front of it. The three-story house was marvelous; it was like Tenchi's house, maybe better. On the outside, there was a large pond with a bridge over it, a shrine, and a small waterfall. On the inside, there were fifteen bedrooms, ten bathrooms, a large kitchen, a dining room, and a large living room.

"We LOVE IT!" Sango and Kagome squealed, blushing for some reason.

"It's so big!" Shippo said, running around the house.

"And soo pretty!" Rin added, running around the house also.

"Not bad, Kurayami," Inuyasha said, "but I want my own room!"

"Hmph," Sesshomaru scoffed, arms folded. "This house is not worthy of my stature" Kurayami had no idea what he was saying, but it sounded like he didn't appreciate what she done for him.

Inutaisho just punched his self-centered son in the back of the head in disgust. "Spoiled brat…" He said to himself. "Don't worry about him; all that matters is that everyone else likes it. I know I do!"

"Good!" Kurayami said, kicking Sesshy on his side.

"Ow!" Sesshomaru said, rolling over on the ground.

"Kurayami, are you sure you bought this with your _own money?_" Maru-sha asked, looking at Chiyo jump into the pond and swimming with the koi. A dream cloud popped out of Kurayami's head as she looked up as the sky as if her answer was up there.

"Hey, a dream cloud movie!" Rin said, looking at Kurayami's cloud.

"Now how did I do that?" Kurayami wondered out loud.

"Who cares? Let's watch the show!" And everyone gathered around Kurayami and sat on the floor of the living room, passing around popcorn, drinking soda, and munching on theater-sized candy.

(In Kurayami's Dream Cloud)

Kurayami was at her parents' house in Hell. Her father, Satan and her mother, Moon were busy making out on the large golden throne in the throne room. Kurayami sneaked passed the couple and walked up the staircase. She ran through the "never-ending hallway" (which is only 7ft long) and came to a scary-looking vault with an eerie red glow about it and a skull on the door.

Kurayami just blasted the vault door with a fire-red energy blast, bringing the door down with a crash. From downstairs, she heard her parents stir from their make-out session.

"What the fuck?" Satan said, "I think I heard the vault door!"

"Moon said sternly, "Oh shut up and keep kissing me, you fool."

"M'kay!" And the resumed kissing.

Kurayami shook her head as she walked inside the vault. Inside, there was the most valuable item in the world, the one thing that every country would go to war over, the beautiful, the most precious, grade A…CINNAMON! She filled thousands of bags of cinnamon and snuck out the house.

She went back to Japan and sold the cinnamon for a million a bag to the Prime Minister, and that's how she got the money.

(End!)

"Cinnamon!" Inuyasha said, dumbfounded.

"Humans are stupid…"Sesshomaru concluded.

"It doesn't matter, we have a house now." Kurayami said to the brothers, "Now, come with me to go furniture shopping!"

And they all went on a shopping spree with the cinnamon money. But that's just the beginning…


	17. Furniture Store go BOOM!

The Yasuki Furniture Store was known to have the biggest selection of furniture in all of Japan, but that's because it's the only furniture store in Japan. The gang all went to the furniture store, looking around in amazement. None of them has seen so many beds, couches, or toilets in their life.

"Okay," Kurayami said, looking at a huge list. It was so long it almost went out the door. "First, we need to find beds." Everyone was just looking up, there were so many floors it seem endless. But one thing's for sure, it wasn't on the floor they were on. That was the bathroom floor.

"Uh, this really big directory-thing says the beds are on the 100th floor!" Inuyasha said, reading the really big directory.

"Let's take the elevator." Kagome suggested. They all crammed into the tiny elevator and went up. Minutes upgraded to hours as they went up, and, up, and, up, and…ya know…

Finally, they reached the 100th floor, which was literally in outer space! Everyone gaped at the large window with showed outside. The got a good view of Mars and the Asteroid Belt.

"WELCOME TO JUST BEDS!" a saleswoman yelled cheerfully. She had dark brown hair and was very pretty, but she had horns on side of her head, and a long, wiry tail. "My name is Cynthia, and if you have any questions, ask me!"

Despite her perkiness, everyone just looked at her funny, because her name tag clearly said her name was "CHOCOLATE".

"Chocolate, you work here?" Kurayami asked her, but she was pretty busy flirting with Sesshomaru, who just wondered who would name their child Chocolate.

"Of course I do!" Chocolate said, hugging Sesshy literally to death. "Mommy said I need to get a job, and getting a night job on the corner or in a strip club like everyone can be too tiring."

"Wait, you know her?" Sango asked.

"Of course, she my…ugh…my sister." Kurayami sighed, disgusted.

"Number 1,275 to be exact! Now, let show you some beds!"

Chocolate showed everyone the finest beds available. Cribs, daybeds, bunks, beds with odd spiked metal mattresses, stuff like that. Everyone had found their perfect bed in a matter of minutes:

Kagome picked out a white bed with pink ribbons designed on it and hot pink sheets that had light pink fur on the edges (such an eyesore).

Miroku had his eyes on a really big cherry wood bed with purple sheets (who knows why he needs such a large bed).

Sango also found a cherry wood bed, except it wasn't so big and she had pink sheets with flowers sewn on it in red (that's nice).

Shippo and Rin had a white bunk bed with green leaf-print sheets for Shippo and yellow bunny-print sheets for Rin (that's cute).

Maru-sha picked out a white bed with blue sheets that have her name monogrammed on it (princess).

Chiyo found a pink bed with white and red stripes on them (that's nice too, I guess).

Naraku picked out a black bed with purple sheets (hahahaha)

And Kurayami found a black bed with black sheets with a giant red skull and roses in the middle on one sheet (I rock).

Now Inutaisho, Inuyasha, and Inutaisho's spoiled rotten son, Sesshomaru had trouble finding the perfect bed. Why? Because they were COLOR BLINDEverything they saw, Chocolate, the beds, the sheets, were in black, white, or grey. But they didn't want people to know that, so they just pointed at random beds and misinterpreting the colors.

"I like that red bed over there." Inuyasha said, pointing to a yellow bed.

"That orange bed is ok." Sesshy said, looking at the bluebed.

"You're color blind, aren't you?" Chocolate asked, looking at the family of canine youkai, and one hanyou.

"No! We are not color blind!" Inutaisho lied. He is such a bad liar.

"Oh yeah?" Chiyo chimed in. She pointed to a pink bed. "What is that?"

"A burgundy bed." Inutaisho said.

"Mmm, what is _that_?" Maru-sha asked, joining in the joke and pointing to a brown and black bed.

"A blue and white bed!" Inuyasha said annoyed.

"What is _this_?" Naraku asked, putting up the middle finger.

"Not nice…" Sesshomaru said coldly. Everyone just laughed and picked something out for them and for what was to be the guest bedrooms in the house.

(8 hours, 300 floors, and over a thousand items later)

Kurayami ordered everything to be delivered to the house and to be set up before they get home. Kurayami spent over two million yen in one day for them…or at least that's what she was supposed to spend.

"Now little sis," Chocolate said, obviously stalking them because of Sesshomaru, "The total comes to 3,000,500 yen for all the beds, toilets, couches, pet furniture, paintings, lamps, etcetera plus shipping, handling and installation and setup."

Everyone fell back in shock. Kurayami just calmly started digging through her purse. Naraku popped up from behind her and asked, "Are you sure you have that kind of money, dear?"

Kurayami pulled a bag of who-knows-what and gave it to Chocolate. "Maybe, maybe." She gave him a wink, and he quickly took the hint. "Here sis, 3,000,500 yen, in cinnamon."

"Oh boy! Cinnamon!" Chocolate squealed. She shook the bag and then everyone heard a faint ticking noise.

"Okay! Thanks for everything sis! Gotta go! Bye!" Kurayami said quickly, rushing everyone out the door. Everyone was only two yards away from the Yasuki Furniture Store when the whole thing blew up! They watched it crash down to the ground with a cloud of dirt surrounding the scene.

"Kurayami! Did you just bomb the whole store?" Inutaisho asked, still staring at the dust cloud.

Kurayami gave him a tiny hint of a smile. "Maybe, maybe."


	18. The Meaning of Life

Shippo and Rin started school a few days later, and things are going okay for them. They two of them are in two different classes, with two different teachers, and to different social statuses. But let's talk more about Shippo.

Shippo was in a class taught by a weird old lady by the name of Miss Sakano. Miss Sakano was short and was always hunched because she had back problems. And Miss Sakano was old, I mean, ANCIENT. She had wrinkles on her wrinkles and bags on her bags. She looked as if she was older than Inutaisho.

And we all know Inutaisho is really, really, REALLY OLD.

Miss Sakano had an obsession with mushrooms, too. She would call her students by types of mushrooms when she's angry and carried around a cane shaped like one. She even has pictures and sculptures and random paraphernalia of them all over the place in her house. But let's not go there…

Shippo, on the other hand, was a playboy at school. Really popular with the third grade girls. But he's a real trouble maker, and seemed to like to push Miss Sakano's buttons. But he really crossed the line the other day…It was so bad, even the boys back home got in trouble by you-know-who…

"Now class," Miss Sakano said in her deep, yet raspy voice of hers, "Today's assignment is 'What is the Meaning of Life'." The class groaned and complained that they were too young to talk about that stuff. "Be quiet, young fungi! All I want you to do is to tell me what life means to you. Write it down then I'm going to call on you randomly for your answer. Now, GET TO WORK!"

Minutes of writing and thinking later, Miss Sakano started picking on people to tell the whole class what life meant to them.

"The meaning of life to me is, um," Hiro Suzuki said nervously, "Is to grow up and get a good job as a fireman and, and, get married." Everyone clapped for young Hiro as he sat down.

"Not bad, young fungi, not bad." Miss Sakano said, looking at him through her oversized spectacles. "Next is, Mamiko."

The boys sighed dreamily when they heard her name. Mamiko was the prettiest, smartest, most athletic girl in the whole third grade class. Every boy wanted the little loli, even Shippo. Mamiko stood up and started reading from her paper.

"The meaning of life is to live happily with my family and start a family of my own when I grow up. But before I do that I will become a successful doctor and heal many patients so they can be happy too!" The class cheered and whistled for her as she curtseyed and sat down.

"Lovely," Miss Sakano mumbled. Sometimes she can't stand Mamiko for her perfection at everything. Sometimes she's tired of giving her an A after A for every bit of work she does. "Next, Shippo. Oh lord…"

Shippo stood up and winked at Mamiko, who just blushed and whispered good luck to him. "The meaning of life is…" He started, the he froze.

"Is what?" Miss Sakano said, pounding her mushroom cane against the floor.

"Umm,"

"Come on, you little shit—take, I don't have all day!"

Shippo was very nervous. He started to sweat. His knees were weakening. His eyes shifted in every direction.

"Don't be nervous, Shippo," Mamiko whispered to him. "I have faith in you."

Shippo sighed knowing that Mamiko would never laughed at him or hate him. So he mustered up a smile and a bit of courage ant yelled, "THE MEANING OF LIFE IS TO HAVE SEX WITH MAMIKO!"

Everyone gasped in shock. Mamiko was stunned. And Miss Sakano had a heart attack and dropped dead on the spot. Unfortunately, he was so loud that three other classes, including Rin's class, heard him. Rin's teachers, Mrs. Ito, burst through the doors and pulled Shippo by the ear to the office to have him talk to the principal, and call the hospital for Miss Sakano.

About an hour later, Kurayami talked to the principal in a calm matter. But when she and Shippo left the school, she kicked him and smacked him and punched him, just like Inuyasha would, from the school all the way home. Kurayami dragged poor little Shippo into the house and started bellowing.

"EVERY MAN IN THIS HOUSE! FRONT AND CENTER, NOW!" She screamed. All the men came to the living room to see what she wanted. "Which one of you pervs been teaching Shippo to tell the whole world his sick little fantasies?"

Silence. They looked at Miroku, but Miroku claimed that he was innocent. And he was.

"No one? Don't tell me Shippo has been picking all this dirt up himself! One of you must have putting perverted shit into his head."

"What are you talking about?" Inuyasha said, looking at her funny.

"Today Shippo exclaimed to the world that he wanted to have sex with a classmate!"

The men started to sound disgusted. "Well if no one wants to fess up, then I'm putting blocks all on the manly channels and confiscating every last magazine in your possession!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The boys cried. After that, she blocked all the manly channels, took every last issues of Hustler and Playboy and King that she saw, and whipped all the boys, even her sweetheart. She gave them twelve-hours worth of work to do on weekdays, and forced them to cater every whim of all the girls in the house. It went on for about three months. All because Shippo announced what life meant to him.


	19. Sesshomaru is Fat

Sesshomaru raided the fridge for the tenth time today. He just sat in front of it, eating the last bit of ham, uncooked ramen, half a head of uncooked cabbage, and strawberry jam straight from the jar. Thanks to him, it's becoming harder to find food in the fridge, in the freezer, or in cupboards in-between trips to the grocery store. As soon as our Sesshy was about to eat butter alone, Maru-sha caught him.

"So, you're the mystery pig in this house!" She joked. Sesshy just stared at her with an ice-cream scoopful of butter in his hand. "Heh, I never thought you would gorge yourself. What ever happened to watching your figure?" She looked at his waistline. It was bigger than she remembered, and he has a gut.

"Hey! I'm not gorging myself!" He cried, stuffing his face with butter, "I'm just trying to make sure I eat all of my daily nutritional servings so I can be healthy!"

"By eating butter? And syrup straight? Raw eggs?"

Sesshomaru started to tear up and cry. He got up from the fridge and ran upstairs to his room. Oddly enough, as he ran, the floor started to shake, really hard. Kurayami came into the kitchen after almost falling down the stairs from the seismic activity.

"Is there an earthquake?" She asked Maru-sha, who was looking into the tub of butter to see if there was any butter left. Maru-sha just shook her head and told her Sesshy was the one who was depriving everyone of a good, filling meal.

"That's not like him; you think he's stressed out? Maybe it's because he has no girlfriend…"

"WHAT? NO GIRLFRIEND? I think it's because of YOU, you meanie!"

"Oh, hush. He'll get over it. Fat-ass, I mean, _Sesshomaru_, is strong. But not in the head, though."

Maru-sha sweat dropped, not know she actually did that. "Emotionally, he's not."

"Same thing."

(Later that night)

"I'm tired of pizza!" Rin whined, looking at her slice of cheese pizza and crying. Everyone sat around the dinner table on their cushions and ate pizza for the 7th time in a row. Like Rin, everyone was tired of it.

"So are we," Inuyasha snarled, eating his pizza like beef jerky, "Unless fat-ass over there stops getting his grub on, we have to eat take out." He pointed to Sesshomaru, who just sat there quietly, nibbling on his pizza, tearing up a little.

"Inuyasha, hush!" Inutaisho scolded, with his mouth full. "Your brother is going through some tough times and is trying to drown it out with food. You must be nicer to him."

Kurayami looked at Inutaisho like he was crazy. "Why? He needs to grow up! He needs to toughen up and learn to take the fat jokes! I'm two hundred pounds myself, and I learned not to worry about what other people say about the way I look. He needs to do the same." All of a sudden, poor Sesshomaru stopped eating a ran upstairs to his room, bawling.

Miroku sighed and said, "You should say sorry to him at least, Kurayami. You are the one who led him to this."

"It's not that easy." Kurayami said under her breath. "If I do anything sincere, even fake it, this disguise spell will be broken forever and they'll all know the real me." She sighed and looked up at ceiling. Right above her head, she and everyone else heard Sesshomaru bawling. "WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! I'M FAT! I'M FAT! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He cried.

"He'll get over it." Kurayami said emotionlessly.

Sesshomaru never came out of his room after that night. He stayed in his room, crying mumbling to himself that he was fat. It went on for weeks. Kurayami started to actually feel sorry for him. One day, when no one was around, she went up to Sesshy's room. She saw him, rocking back in forth in a fetal position on his bed. His sheets were drenched in tears. Kurayami mustered up some courage and said she was sorry. SINCERELY sorry. She even gave him a hug!

(The next day)

Everyone finally had a decent meal that morning. For breakfast everyone had rice cakes and eggs, and even pancakes. Sesshomaru finally came downstairs happy and wanted to get a nutritionist. Everyone was happy for him except for Inuyasha and Naraku, who still kept calling him a fat-ass. Then Chiyo suddenly realized Kurayami wasn't downstairs yet.

"Hey, where's Kurayami?" Chiyo asked. No one knew except for Sesshy, but he didn't tell. At that time, a mysterious-yet-beautiful lady with white hair, blood red eyes, a long wiry tail, and bat wings came down the stairs slowly. Almost everyone stared at her, wondering who she was and why she was in their house.

"Who the hell are you?" Inuyasha asked rudely, blushing slightly.

The lady showed no emotion but anger. "I'm Kurayami."

**Next Chapter: My Oldest Sister is a Mary-Sue**


	20. My Oldest Sister is a MarySue

It was a "normal" day in the house. Everyone was acting suspicious; at least, that's what the nosey-ass neighbors think. Sesshy was eating healthier, and Naraku had to go to the hospital from extreme blood loss.

Because he had constant nosebleeds after seeing the real Kurayami.

Chiyo also came out of the closet revealing her true self, also. She was much lighter, had red hair and was much taller. Chiyo said she was a fox demon.

One fine Monday, Chiyo came in with a bunch of mail in her hand.

"MAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL! MAILEY, MAILEY, MAIL, MAIL!" She hollered. Everyone stopped what they were doing to circle Chiyo, hoping there was mail for them. "Let's see, bills, bills, bills, coupons, bills, and a letter from the DDAA—"

"Gimme dat," Kurayami said, snatching the letter from her hand.

"Magazines, hey! A letter from Koga!"

Inuyasha turned his back to Chiyo. "Feh, I don't care what it says." Kagome took the letter from Chiyo and started reading it.

"_Dear Kagome and everyone else,_

_How are you? I am fine...except I'm a love slave to that maniac Kurayami auctioned me off to. HELP ME! SHE IS A CRAZY-PERSON! MY VIRGINITY IS AT STAKE! OH MY GOD SHE'S COMING! HELP! ACK! HELLLLLLLLLLPPPP! NO! NOT THE WHIP! SAVE ME! S.O.S! AHHHHHHHHHHH!_

_Love,_

_Koga"_

"Poor Koga." Maru-sha said, shaking her head.

"And lastly, another letter for you, Kurayami!" Chiyo said to her, giving her an electric blue envelope. "It's from some lady named Kaguya, or something like that." Kurayami reluctantly took the letter from her and opened the envelope up. The letter inside was written in ten different languages, including Russian, Tagalong, and Arabic.

"Dearest Kurayami, blah, blah, blah, I miss you very much, blah, blah, blah," Kurayami read out loud, unenthusiastically obviously reading the part that's in English. "I've been so busy with my humanitarian's group that I organized, blah, blah, blah, I'm going to visit you for a week, blah, blah, as soon as you get this letter. Love, Kaguya." Kurayami just tossed the letter aside, then realized something. She rushed to get the paper from the floor and re-read a certain statement.

"HOLY HELL!" She screamed. "'As soon as I get the letter'! Quick! Bar the windows, Barricade the doors! Make sure that—"

"Hello, little sister." A woman's voice said from out of nowhere.

"AHHHHHHHHH! KAGUYA DOESN'T GET IN! KAGUYA, AHHH!"

Some beautiful lady was standing behind Kurayami. She had long dark blue hair, blue lipstick, and blue eyes with red where the white part of eyeballs should be. A snake was wrapping itself around her body. The sad thing is it was used as a "top", because she NEVER wore a top. But she did wear a long skirt. All the girls in the house just thought "Skank". Kagome had to cover little Shippo's eyes.

"Are you going to introduce me to your friends, sis?" Kaguya asked her, smiling at her.

"Grr," Kurayami snarled, pushing everyone together. "Everyone, Kaguya. Kaguya, everybody. Now, get lost!"

"I think I've seen her before." Kagome said, trying to cover Shippo's eyes. But he kept trying to peek.

"You are so rude, Kurayami." Kaguya scolded. Kurayami just mumbled something in a language so foreign, no one on earth would know what she said, but it wasn't gibberish.

"You're her sister?" Miroku asked, not taking his eyes off the snake around Kaguya. Sango slapped him know what he was thinking. Everyone was looking from Kaguya to Kurayami back and forth, over and over. Kaguya was pretty, and so was Kurayami. But Kaguya hardly wore clothes and seemed to have a fascination with snakes since she had on with her whereas Kurayami looked like a Goth who joined the Mafia, with tattoos everywhere.

"Of course." Kaguya said in perfect Japanese. Then she looked at the hand where the wind tunnel was. "Oh my! You have a hole in you're hand! Maybe I can help!"

"But this is no ordinary hole. This hole is part of a curse will one day be the death of me."

But Kaguya tried to help anyway. She removed the cloth-thing from his hand and put her hand on his. After five seconds, the wind tunnel was gone! Miroku rejoiced and asked how she did that. Out of false modesty Kaguya said she just had the magic touch.

"How come you can't do that, Kurayami?" Miroku asked her. Kurayami looked pissed.

"P-_lease_! I'm an assassin! Not a miracle worker!" She scoffed. Kurayami threw some clothes at Kaguya. "Wear this. There are children here, ya know."

Later that week, Kaguya made all the girls dread her even more. She was so PERFECT. She knew every martial art known to man and knew alchemy all types of magic except for necromancy; Kurayami was the master at that. She was cuter than Rin, could use a bow and arrow better than Kagome, and throw the Hiraikotsu better than Sango, which is quite strange. Kaguya had perfect hair, teeth, body shape, and all that stuff that has to do with beauty. She was better than the men at using a sword, even though Inutaisho has been using swords since forever. She was a math wiz, an excellent speller, an excellent cook, and was perfect when it came to psychology, geography, history, and all the known –ologies in the realm that they were in and five other only Kurayami and Kaguya knew about.

Kaguya was cooking up a feast for all of them. The men were literally fought over who gets to sit next to Kaguya. I mean, there were swords pulled out, fox magic, and Miroku had his sutras. After three hours, the men dared to ask the stupidest question at the moment.

"Why can't you all be like Kaguya?"

The women started to become red-hot in anger. They were imagining various ways to torture Kaguya. Then, they finally said, "Because…we…CAN'T!" The men looked at them funny.

"Such attitude. We're glad you aren't like that Kaguya." They said, blushing madly at Kaguya and huddling over her. Kaguya just chuckled. Yes, Kaguya had all of the men in love with her, fighting over her, catering to her.

All, but one.

Naraku was still at the hospital, watching hospital T.V., which consisted of surgeries, health news, how-to-raise-children shows, and educational television. He was bored out of his mind without Kurayami to be there trying to inject an overdose of medicine into his system for fun or something. All he could do was lie down, get shots, and eat healthy. Kurayami finally dropped by the next day, to escape her oldest sister. After minutes of being mushy in their own evil-yet loving way, Kurayami and Naraku's "lovey-dovey" session was interrupted when you-know-who showed up.

"Hello, sister dear!" Kaguya said enthusiastically. Kurayami looked at the outfit she was wearing. When Kurayami gave her big sis clothes, she gave her a black tank top with electric blue shorts that was down to her knees. But the tank top she wore was cut so short it looked like a bra, and the shorts were indescribably short. "I heard about your boyfriend, so I came to visit him with you."

She sashayed toward Naraku, and when he got a good look at her, him temperature skyrocketed, the little machine by his bedside that beeps started beeping faster than normal, and his nose started to bleed profusely. Kaguya, having great medical knowledge saved Naraku from giving him CPR and gave him a whole bunch of ice packs to cool him down.

"You saved me!" Naraku wheezed, trying to give her a kiss.

"Hold on now! I'm not your girlfriend, Kurayami! But if you insist on kissing me,"

"Who's that?"

"THAT'S IT! BITCH, YOU'RE GOING DOWN!" Kurayami hollered in anger, cracking her fists. She literally punched her face out, just like Hiten did long ago.(In the manga, Hiten punched her face out and in the anime Hiten blasted it out.) But this time, she hit her brain so badly it stopped working altogether and Kaguya died. After Naraku saw what happened he tried to sneak out of the room to save himself from his honey's wrath. But she caught him before he could reach the door.

"AND YOU!" She bellowed. She took a syringe that contained anesthesia in it and jabbed it into his back. Naraku just dropped down on there floor, sleeping like a baby. She had to admit, he looked cute while he was asleep, so she just put him back in bed and kissed him on his forehead. She jumped out the window so when the doctors saw Kaguya, she wouldn't get caught. And the moral of the chapter is…perfection will get your head punched out...or something wise like that…


	21. Aunt Sun moves in, and Pumpkin Too!

A few months have passed and everyone gotten weirder, and the neighbors gotten nosier. The three "sisters" were the main source of income in the house. Maru-sha wrote stories, Chiyo collected money from all her restaurants, and Kurayami killed people for the dough, or she would steal the cinnamon money from her Father.

One fine day, as the neighbors tried to peek over their fences to see what was going on in the house; Maru-sha was filling out random papers, hoping it would put bread on the table.

"Must…put…bread…on…table…"She said, tired. Very tired actually. Maru-sha was filling out papers in the dining room for about a week, and she hadn't sleep during that time. Kagome walked in looking at Maru-sha work in her sleep.

"Maru-sha," Kagome said, trying to wake her up. "You need to take a break."

"Nuh…no I don't," Maru-sha replied subconsciously. "Gotta mane money s-so we can have a roof over our heads." And then she just drifted off to sleep, snoring, with an anime bubble coming out of her nose. Just then, the doorbell rang, waking poor Maru-sha up.

"Wha—what? What the hell? Who? What? Where? When? How?" She said sleepily, looking around so fast she almost broke her neck. Kagome went to the door and opened it up to see that it was no other than Kurayami's Aunt Sun.

Kagome greeted her inside and called Kurayami down, not realizing she had to go back to her parents' house because Kurayami killed Kaguya the other day. Everyone else came in, too. Everyone, even the girls like Aunt Sun. She wasn't perfect like _somebody _(Kaguya) they knew. Sun was just a scientist and an alchemist, is all. Actually, Inutaisho started to fall in love with her.

Maru-sha went up to Sun, somehow wide awake and perky, and started talking to her. "Hi! Kurayami isn't here yet." She didn't notice that Sun was carrying luggage.

"Oh, no? Okay, but did she tell you that I was moving in?" Sun asked. Some people were surprised and happy at the same time, especially Inutaisho, who was rejoicing in his mind.

"We do now! Let us help ya with the bags. Boys, go grab the bags!"

The boys brought in the bags swiftly and carefully. Sun had a lot of bags, big ones, small ones, some with…jack o' lanterns on it?

"Uhh, Sun?" Maru-sha said, eying the kiddie bags, "Is this yours?"

"No, no, no, dear. Those aren't mine." Sun replied, taking off her pure white lab coat.

"Then whose are these?"

Just then, Kurayami just popped up out of nowhere. She was holding a tiny booklet that had the title "REST IN PEACE KAGUYA" on it. Kurayami was forced to go to the funeral and had to sit through her mothers crying and her mom's first husband, some snake demon lord somebody. Kurayami then saw her Aunt, who was sitting on the couch next to Inutaisho, who was obviously making moves on her. It was a wonder that he didn't get slapped yet.

"Hey, Aunt Sun. I didn't see you at the funeral." Kurayami said, standing over her.

Sun replied. "No, I had to prepare the luggage so we can move in." Then she frowned. "But what did your Moon say? After all, you _did_ murder you're own sister."

"Feh, she just said I couldn't come to the next Thanksgiving dinner. But I don't care. Mom's cooking taste like sh—"

"BANZAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

_THUD!_

A girl with long, pale orange hair in two ponytails dropped from out of the blue and landed on Kurayami's back. Kurayami didn't bother getting her off, she just eyed the girl, and a hand on her head as the other one tapped the ground. The mysterious little girl smiled widely, her blue eyes shining with happiness.

Aunt Sun coaxed the girl to get off Kurayami. As she got up, the little girl was none other than Halloween Girl "Pumpkin," She said to her "Now you know you're not supposed to do that! Scaring people by jumping on them!"

Pumpkin looked at Sun with sad puppy eyes. "But Auntie," she cried hugging Kurayami tightly as she got up, "I LUUUUUUUUV my big sister and I hadn't seen her since forevur and evur, and evur!" Kurayami could not breathe.

"ANOTHER ONE?" Inuyasha yelled, breaking the moment. "How many sisters do you have, Kurayami?" Pumpkin finally let go so she could talk, and breathe. But she sweat dropped at the question.

"Precisely 1,550,999,001 sisters. All from the same mom, different dads, no bros." Kurayami wheezed. The Inu gang, Sesshomaru, Rin, Naraku, and Inutaisho just fell back.

"You can't have that many sisters!" Sango exclaimed when she popped back up.

"Hey, Ma's a whore."

"If you don't want to take big sister's word for it," Pumpkin chimed in holding a giant piece of paper that was rolled up. "I brought the family picture! Lookie!" She unrolled the piece of paper. I was indeed a giant picture. As it unraveled, it rolled around the house, outside the house, down the street, across Shibuya, into the woods, over Mt. Fuji, making a U-turn back to the house and stopped at Mirkou's feet. "See? These are the oldest sisters: Kaguya, NaeNaeNae, Mint, Vivian, Kimi…"

(Three hours later)

"…Azusa, Mika, Citrus, Ai, Ran, Sophia, Amisha…"

(Five hours later)

"…Chocolate, Cherry, Magdelena, Ayame, Momo, Nan…"

(Ten hours later)

"…Miran, Kurayami, Rae, Loki, Blueberry…"

(The next day)

"...Juanita, Quinn, Isabella, Hitomi..."

(The day after that)

"…Me, Pippin, and our new baby sister, Hoshi!" Everyone was either half-asleep or actually asleep. Just reciting every last sister's name made them sleepy, and creeped out a bit. Has Moon been neutered yet? That was an awful lot of daughters she had! No sons either! Well, they forgot about it and showed Sun and Pumpkin to their rooms. Pumpkin had to live with big sis because it was part of big sis's punishment, and because Moon was getting lazy in raising children.

The "family" was getting bigger now, that meant the neighbors were giving them more attention than their own pathetic lives, and the randomness just happens a lot more...

Oh, and what happened to Maru-sha's ordeal with the papers? Well she burned them all! When they confronted her about it, she gave a long speech about having fun with the job, not making it all super serious like any old business. For a moment, it seemed like they understood, but five minutes later she got kicked out of VIZ and she had to work for TokyoPop. She didn't care really, she was rich and her stories were still turning into manga.


	22. Mika

Yet again, it was a not-so-average day in the 'family' home. Yet again they were giving neighbors something to look at while they pretended to water their lawns, or feed their overweight cats and pudgy dogs.

"WATCH ME BLOW MYSELF UP!" Pumpkin cheered, swallowing some gasoline and eating a match.

One bloody explosion later...

"Eww..." Maru-sha groaned. The Wasabi, one of the neighbors, just so happened to see Pumpkin blow her herself up into pieces, then regenerated five seconds later, laughing in the process.

"I go BOOM big sister's friend!" Pumpkin laughed, rolling around.

"I told you those people ain't right." Mrs. Wasabi said to her husband. "Letting little girls blow themselves up! Ridiculous!"

"Leave them alone, Tomo," Mr. Wasabi scolded, "so obsessive, if they want to be weird, let them. Jesus."

Later that day, a lady with dark blue hair was walking up the pathway the house. She tripped on the steps and knocked down the door! Sun, who heard the noise, went to see what made the sound. When she went to the front door, she saw a woman with a...problem...

"Mika! You live in this town as well?" Sun gasped.

"Yes, just next door. Could ya' help me up auntie?" the woman cried. Sun tried to help her up, but the woman's bosoms knocked her out when she did get up!

"Ah! I'm sorry! I can't help it sometimes!"

"Ouch..." Sun said.

"Hi Sun. I was about to...uhh..." Maru-sha stopped in mid-sentence; gawking at the new girl in the ever growing mass of people living in their house. "She's not moving in...is she? PLEASE SAY SHE'S NOT!"

"No, she lives next door with _more_ of Kurayami's sisters" Sun replied. Just then, Kurayami came down stairs to see what the hell was going on.

"What the hell is going on?" she asked, not really caring. Then she saw Mika and her...appendages. "HOLY SHIT! THERE ARE MEN HERE! And children! GET LOST! GET OUT!"

"But I just wanted to visit my little sisters! Is that so much to ask? Is it?" Mika sniffled, her eyes watering.

"Dude, there are dudes here! Lots of 'em" Kurayami snarled. Shippo then ran downstairs with Sesshomaru chasing him.

"Gimme back my mascara, you little shrimp!" Sesshomaru yelled.

"Nyah-nyah!" Shippo taunted. Then he stopped in his tracks when he saw Mika.

"...cleavage..." he said mindlessly. Sesshomaru scoffed and turned away.

"I'm gay, so I don't care" he said.

"STOP SAYING YOU'RE GAY, DAMMIT! WHERE DID I GO WRONG! I punched and I k—whoa..." Inutaisho said when he saw Mika as well. "...nice..." she said just as mindlessly as Shippo.

"Hey, what's everybody lookin' at?" Naraku asked, coming in from the kitchen. He was then hit over the head with a frying pan by Kurayami.

"I just remembered! You havta talk to my parents...about marriage...yeah! marriage!" she cried, making sure he doesn't see Mika.

"But I already did that yesterday!" Naraku cried, rubbing his head.

"Did you just give me lip? I know you're disobeying me! ARE YA'?" she screamed.

Naraku hung his head. "No dear...I love you lots..." he groaned.

"NOW GO!"

"But-"

"NOW ONIGUMO-CHAN!" she yelled, throwing him into a portal to Hell. Mika was starting to cross her arms over her chest since her attachments were so heavy. "I need to rest them on something!" she cried. She then saw someone sleeping upright in the living room and went over to him and rested her bosoms on the top of his head.

"Aahh, nice and comfy!" she giggled.

Inuyasha, who was now her 'post', woke up with a splitting headache. "why are there big boob-like things on my head?" he asked.

"Oh, I woke you up? I'm sorry!" Mika cried, not noticing Inuyasha was starting to suffocate.

"I'm touched by your kindness that your big breast have to offer!" he gasped, trying not to die. Kagome, who just so happened to see Mika and Inuyasha together, got mad and made Inuyasha sit. Inuyasha dropped down to the ground, and Mika dropped down with him.

"What did I do?" He cried, with his face stuck to the ground.

"Oh, nothing! I just wanted to SIT down with you and talk! Why don't you SIT down along side with me! Oh, and by the way, it's supposed to be a private conversation, so you're girlfriend can't SIT with us!"

At this time, Inuyasha went so far down, he was in Hell. He just so happened to "drop in" Satan and Naraku conversation about the consequences of being unfaithful to Kurayami.

"…Remember, son," Kurayami's father said to him. "If you cheat on her, you'll end up over there." He pointed outside the window, where there was a sea of gravestones, all belonging to Kurayami's ex-boyfriends. Naraku literally froze with fear. "So resist all temptation, and—what are you two doing here?" Satan just now noticed Inuyasha on the ground and Mika on top of him.

"I think I heard my skull crack," Inuyasha said, his voice muffled. Moon came in the room and saw the two. She pulled the two up, almost getting knocked out by her own daughter's "goodies", and laughed at them both.

"Had a nice fall?" She joked. "Oh, I made a funny! Oh, no one's laughing, ok…I'll send you two back. No one laughs at my jokes anymore."

When They got back, Shippo and Inutaisho were still staring into space, subconsciously talking about Mika's bosoms, Maru-sha was repairing the door, and Kurayami was covering Naraku's eyes as soon as he got home.

"Is there a surprise for me?" He asked, not knowing what's going on.

"Uhhh…yea! Yes there is!" Kurayami lied. She put a blindfold on him. "Go to your room and stay there!"

"Ok!" and he tripped over almost everything to get there. Mika sat down in a chair and started bunching her breasts together. But due to the heaviness of her cleavage the chair broke.

"Sorry!" She cried out. Maru-sha, Kagome and Kurayami just wanted to kill her. Out of the blue, little Pumpkin poofed over Mika's head and sat on it.

"Hi, bigger sister!" she said, waving frantically in front of Mika's face. Pumpkin waved so fast, she fell of her head, bounced off Mika's boobs, and landed on her butt. "That was fun! Can I do it again? Pretty please?"

"Pumpkin…" Kurayami trailed off, walking over to her. Mika started to cry frantically. Her tears shooting out of her eyes and into the house plants, which Kurayami killed, and making them revive rapidly.

"I can never do anything with these in the way!" She sobbed.

"Why should it matter?" Kurayami scoffed. "Even if you had none, you would be any smarter."

"Kurayami!" Sun yelled, holding an ice pack against her head. "Mika, you should be lucky! You're grandma had the same blessing!"

"You call that a blessing?"

"She's right! Grandma Lust passed down a curse! I wish I had small breasts like Kurayami."

"I do have some, thank-you very much!" Kurayami said angrily, clutching hers and blushing.

"Oh how I wish, how I wish, someone would bless me with a smaller chest!" Mika started singing, "Oh yes, how I wish I had a smaller chest!" All of a sudden, the lights went out and a stream of light came down from the sky.

"Bigger sister!" Pumpkin sang, flying down the beam of light and playing a lyre, "I can make you're wish come truuuuuuuuueeeeeeee!"

"You can?" Mika asked as she turned around to face her, and knocking down a vase. "Why didn't you say so?"

"You didn't ask, silly! All I have to do is pass it to someone else!" She pulled out her pitchfork and tapped Mika's head with it. "Puni Puni magic!" Light flashed surrounded the both of them and subsided immediately. Mika wish came true! She had smaller boobs, while Pumpkin...had Mika's old Triple D's…

"Are you serious?" Maru-sha, Sun, and Kurayami said in unison, staring at Pumpkin, who was laughing hysterically and rubbing her hands all over her chest.

"Thank you Pumpkin! I'll never forget this!" Mika exclaimed, and walked off. But then tripped over her own feet and knocked down the front door again.

"Hehehe…told ya." Kurayami said to Sun. Sun sweat dropped and helped Mika up. From all that "excitement" Maru-sha forgot something.

"What are we going to do about those two?" She said, pointing to Shippo and Inutaisho. They were still zoning out. They all tried snapping they're fingers, flashing, screaming, banging pots and pans, and dumping icy cold water on them.

"Aww, just leave 'em." Kagome concluded. So they left and went to bed, because it was getting late. The two of them continued to zone out for two days. After that, there was another knock on the door. Once again Sun tried to open the door, but some lady wearing a skimpy leather outfit with a whip in one hand and a six-pack of beer in her other hand kicked down the door. "HEY SUN!" She yelled whipping the air, "I'M HERE TO INVITE MY LITTLE SISTERS TO A DRINKING PARTY! WHERE THEY AT?"


	23. Not a Real Chapter: Da Wedding

Kurayami has never looked so happy. She was getting married to the person she loved since the day she met him, even though she was terribly rude to him before she confessed.

"I and Naraku are going to tie the knot!" She said to Maru-sha and Chiyo one day. They never seen her so…excited.

"What?" Chiyo exclaimed.

"What ever happened to 'I don't want to get married! I want to be a spinster!'"

Maru-sha chimed in, "You can't marry him!" Maru-sha shook Kurayami as if she has money on her.

"Why not?"

"HE'S EVIL!" Maru-sha and Chiyo screamed.

"That's EXACTLY why I'm marrying him!"

"He's lazy!"

"Feh, with me as his wife, he will start working like ev'rybody else!"

"He knows asexual reproduction!"

"Hey, that's pretty beneficial to me."

"Miasma!"

"Where I come from, our air was nothing but miasma."

"The absorbing thing…"

"Relax; I stop him from doing that."

"Nappy hair!"

"That's nothing. Besides, it's not nappy, it's_ wavy_."

"He's ugly!"

Kurayami gasped, "He is not ugly! I don't understand, why can't you be happy for me?" Then Kurayami ran away sobbing.

Meanwhile, our friend Naraku was loitering outside Japan's finest jewelry store, devising a plan. See, he didn't have an engagement ring on hand when he proposed, and we all know the engagement ring is important. But he had to make due with what he had, and so when he proposed he gave her his heart. Anyway, Naraku got out a puppet of himself an ordered it to rob the most expensive ring in the store.

"Kill somebody if you have to," Naraku commanded. "I would do it myself, but I don't want to get my hands dirty."

"_What an ass…" _His puppet thought, and it glided into the store. A few minute and tons of screams later, Naraku's puppet came out of the Jewelry store.

"Well? Show me the ring!" Naraku ordered. The puppet mumbled something under its breath and pulled a box. It opened the box to reveal a beautiful 24 karat princess cut diamond ring worth 7,550 yen. Naraku just snatched the ring away from the puppet and put it in his pocket.

'_Ungrateful bastard,' _Thought the puppet, _'A "Thank you" would be nice!' _And then of course Naraku absorbed it back into his body. Naraku happily ran off to his fiancé, not knowing someone witnessed the crime he committed and called the cops.

There were only three days until the wedding. Not very long, but everything was in order. The rehearsed the ceremony, which was a bust because Inuyasha was highly uncooperative. They had the rehearsal dinner, which was also a bust because Sesshomaru ate all the food in the restaurant. Right before the big day, the cops came looking for the couple. There were a lot of them too, including the S.W.A.T. team and police dogs.

"Shit! It's the Man, man!" Naraku cried, peering outside.

"Run!" Kurayami cried, grabbing him by the hand. They ran to the back door, but the cops were in the backyard. They ran to the attic, but they heard the police helicopter hovering above their heads. The cops kicked down the doors and caught the both of them, thus leading to the couple to court.

Everyone sat attentively in the courthouse awaiting the judge.

"This is a load of shit…" Kurayami whispered to her fiancé. "What are we going to do about the wedding if we're both going to be in the slammer?" Moon, who came to the hearing looking like a two-dollar whore, walked up to her daughter and bent over to her level. The men in the back of the room including the cops saw her tiny lacey black panties. Moon never wore shorts under her skirts and dresses.

"Aww, don't worry sweetie," Moon said to her daughter. "Things will be better for you!" Then she lowered her voice to a whisper, "I slept with the judge last night!"

"I'm SO lucky…" Kurayami muttered sarcastically. The judge burst through the doors still putting on his gown, and sat down at his podium. When he saw Moon, who winked at him, his nose started to bleed and fell out of his chair.

"Ahem," He said, popping back up. "Do you realize this is the tenth time you two are going to jail?"

"So?" Naraku added.

"This time, you, Naraku, have been charged for robbery and murder while Kurayami here has been charged for vandalism, bombing five buildings, and burglary. Do you have something to say about that?"

"Yes," Naraku said grinning. "I had fun doing it." Kurayami just giggled while everyone else started whispering.

"Well, I don't want to go to jail…for once…" Kurayami said to the old judge. "'Cause we're about to get married tomorrow."

The judge pushed up his bifocals and scoffed, "Does it look like I care? The law is the law, and the law says—" He stopped to look at Moon, who blew a kiss at him. "We came work some thing out! Maybe cut down to you're time by, oh, 98?"

"Yes!" The couple cheered.

"You'll still have to serve a week in prison. And as for your wedding…"

The prison had to extend its visiting hours just so people could actually come on time to see the wedding. Kurayami walked down the prison courtyard in a long grey wedding gown with red pinstripe and handcuffs. Down the aisle, Naraku waited for her, also in handcuffs. The judge pushed up his bifocals and started the ceremony.

"We are gathered here today to join these two criminals in holy, or not, matrimony." The judge said. "Do you Nar—"

"Yes I do!" Naraku interrupted, "And she does too, right Hon?"

"Right!" Kurayami replied.

"Get to part where I kiss her now! Or so help me I'll take your guts out and—AHHHHHHHHHH!" A police office that was right next to him shocked Naraku with a taser.

"…Fine. I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the criminal!"

After that was done, two police officers took off Kurayami's handcuffs and handcuffed her too Naraku, then grabbing their free arm and leading them down the aisle. Everybody was emotional, especially Sesshy and the prisoners, who were bawling. The two spent they're honeymoon in Solitary Confinement, because they made too much…"unmentionable" noise in their regular jail cell. The event was all over the news, even their mug shots/ wedding pictures. The both of them were holding up the middle finger at the camera, while handcuffed together and holding a sign that said their names and numbers.


	24. Go Back into Your Hole, Kikyo

"There's no activity going on over there today," Mrs. Wasabi said to herself, once again looking through her binoculars to peer at her neighbors in suspicion. Mr. Wasabi didn't say anything to her; he was just looking at something on the internet. Mrs. Wasabi looked at him as if she wanted him to complain. "Hiro!"

"Huh?" He said, a little too quickly, as he exited out of a website, a little too quickly.

Mrs. Wasabi put her binoculars away and sat on their big white bed. "There's actually nothing going on in that house today!"

"Oooooookaaaaay…"

"I wonder if they went on vac—"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"—Oh my goodness!" She said, looking for her binoculars after hearing the scream that came from nowhere.

"What makes you think it came from _their _house, Tomo?" Mr. Wasabi said smartly. Walking up to his wife who was already peering out the window.

"Oh hush up! I just know! Hey, isn't that Kikyo?"

At first there wasn't anything going on in the house. The kids were taking there naps, Inuyasha and Kagome were eating, Sun and Inutaisho were doing something "unmentionable" in his room. Miroku was still missing, Maru-sha and Chiyo were also eating, and Sango was walking Kirara. For the happy-yet-scary couple, Kurayami and Naraku started to pack their bags and move to their new home (time flies, yes?).

Sadly, the new baby won't be coming because poor Kurayami had a miscarriage wrestling her giant pet king cobra who was about to devour Naraku whole.

Anyway, everything was dandy but boring until Inuyasha heard a scream coming from the backyard. Inuyasha saw a woman dangling from a pole that came from nowhere over a pot of hot molten lava, that also came from nowhere. The woman was no one other than Kikyo.

"Inuyasha!" Kikyo scream. "HELP ME!"

"Kikyo!" Inuyasha said, pulling out his Tetsusaiga. He was going to save her but…

"Just what do you think you're doing?" Kagome asked, pulling him back.

"Saving Kikyo! Now let me go, wench!" Inuyasha snapped, trying to break free. Kagome got agitated and made him sit. "What was that for?"

"Listen up! I've had it with you always trying to be with her every time she plays 'damsel

in distress' knowing that it wouldn't affect her if she did get 'killed' because she's already dead!" Kagome snapped, towering over Inuyasha in anger. He just sat there, scared.

Kikyo still dangled over the lava. "Don't listen to her, Inuyasha! I am not dead, but I am lonely, please come back to me, and save me from melting my clay skin away."

"And that's another thing! Why can't you leave everybody alone, Kikyo! You're the thing of the past! You're old! You're done! No one wants to fuck a clay pot! And back to you, Inuyasha, after all that I've done for you want this, this, ZOMBIE for a girlfriend?"

"Kagome…" Inuyasha stuttered.

"Oh, and have you forgotten that if you go with her you'll die and end up in Hell?"

Inuyasha scratched his head. He pondered, he thought, he wondered. And then he came to a conclusion. "Sorry, Kikyo," Inuyasha said, getting up to hold Kagome, "But she's right. I can't be seen with a zombie."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kikyo screamed. She broke through the rope and fell into the lava. Then she simply got out unharmed and crawled to Inuyasha's feet. "Why, Inuyasha? I thought you'd love me no matter what and would join me in the afterlife, where our souls will unite as one happily."

Inuyasha gave her a blank expression. "I don't know what you just said, but I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore. Go back into your hole, you bag of bones!" And Inuyasha and Kagome went inside to make out.

Kikyo just shrugged her shoulders and whistled. All of a sudden, a huge bear demon ran in and pretended to "eat" her. "Oh well, there are more men who want to be with me!" Kikyo said, taking her hair down, "Time for plan B! NARAKU! HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPP!"

But up to this point, that was not the wisest thing to do.


End file.
